ORTHODIXIE ... Southern, Orthodox, Convert, Etc.

Years ago, back in the days before gidgy-Gidgy-Gadgie-GADGETS

TAKE TWO: Years ago, back before google -Googly- GOOGLEDY- gOoGlE

OKAY.

TAKE THREE: A long time ago, a friend of mine said, "You know, Tony Snow's a black guy."

"No way," I said, "he sounds so, so ..."

"I know," he replied, "he sounds like a white guy -- but he's black!"

Mind you, this was back when there was but a voice on the radio without a face on the tellie to fit. In those medieval times (known as the early 90's) I was a subscriber to a publication called "The Conservative Chronicle" (or some-such), which ran an article and an image -- a charcoal type sketch -- of Tony [white as] Snow. That same issue offered a caricature of Jesse Jackson. I clipped out the article with Tony's pic and pasted the Jackson image over it and sent it (via snail-mail) to my friend. No offense, Jesse.

Sophomoric? No doubt.

But it magnifies, even more, the class act that was Tony Snow. You see, my friend's a black man ... and he thought Tony was too. Yet, Tony's character had not so much to do with his color, but his creed. (Face it, Tony Snow was one white dude.) His character, fashioned by Christ, is succinctly reflected in this article by Terry Mattingly.

May God rest is soul.
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An historic concert commemorating the 90th anniversary of the murder of the last Russian Czar Nicholas II, the Czarina Alexandra, and their children took place in Moscow today, July 16th, in Christ the Savior Cathedral.

The text of the concert, composed by Bishop HILARION (Alfeyev), expresses the combined grief, repentance and hope of the Russian people. The complete libretto of the concert may be accessed on-line here.

Taken from the DOWAMA Clergy Brotherhood daily email.

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That's Fr John "Waylon" Monto on guitar, DJ Leigh in da house, and Fr Joseph "Willie" Huneycutt on the mic at Camp St Raphael, Session 2, 2008.

"DOWAMA Don't Let Your Campers Grow Up to be Clergy"

I'll post more pics soon but, for now, here's an audio snapshot of last week's CSR.2 ...


The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

Oh! And, whatever you do, don't miss the final number - "Gotta Go to Camp Now!"

UPDATE: The video is now up on YouTube.

OOPS - CLARIFICATION UPDATE: The video is the Camp Video (not a video of two priests poorly imitating Waylon & Willie. I mean, thank God. :)
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While online a while back, I found one of these fun sights where all you have to do is list some nouns, verbs, and adjectives, then click a button, and Voila:

Official Camp Letter!

I don’t know why (maybe because he had just celebrated 25 years as Bishop and His name day), but I chose His Grace, Bishop ANTOUN.

I entered his name, my name, and the words: confession, sorta, ugly, communion, tailgate, lie, swore, tired, hairy, stole, slippery, swim, and confession.

Here’s what I got:

An Official Camp Newsletter

Dear Bishop Antoun,

Camp is ugly and hairy.

I am sorta like it.

I have learned to swim the camp's communion.

The weather is really slippery.

I hope to lie the camp's tailgate tomorrow.

Please! -- swore my tired saint.

Love, Fr Joseph Huneycutt.

P.S. I stole your shiny confession!


I'm away at Camp St Raphael this week (prayers coveted!), but, just for fun, tune in for a rebroadcast of "Hello Jiddo, Hello Yaya" on ...

The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.
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Is His Grace saying that the Patriarch of Constantinople offers a weak and poor witness of the Faith and that if the Russian Church withdraws from the World Council of Churches the Orthodox witness to the ecclesiastical world at large will be diminished?

Bishop Hilarion of Vienna and Austria: Immediate withdrawal of the Russian Orthodox Church from the WCC should only weaken the Church's positions

Moscow, June 30, Interfax - Withdrawal of the Russian Orthodox Church from the World Council of Churches should weaken positions of Moscow Patriarchate in the inter-Orthodox dialogue, the representative of Russian Church in European international organizations Bishop Hilarion of Vienna and Austria believes.

"This withdrawal may only weaken our positions today in defending the Church teaching which we consider traditional, which for many centuries was the basis of relations among the Orthodox Churches, and which is now challenged by the Patriarchate of Constantinople," Bishop Hilarion said Monday to Interfax-Religion.

He also mentioned that the last Bishops' Council discussed "the claims of the Patriarchate of Constantinople to the jurisdiction of the whole diaspora" and the Patriarch of Constantinople's seeking to receive the position "which is somewhat equal to that of Pope in the Catholic Church."

"Today, the Russian Orthodox Church is the major opponent of Constantinople, therefore, the Patriarchate of Constantinople is interested in weakening its influence and participation in any organizations with representatives of other Orthodox Churches, including the World Council of Churches," Bishop Hilarion said.

"I believe that in this specific situation we should think twice before taking any steps to withdraw from the World Council of Churches and any other organizations representing all Orthodox Churches or their majority," Bishop Hilarion said, reminding us that the World Council of Churches "is currently one of the few platforms where the representatives of different Orthodox Churches meet."

According to Bishop Hilarion, "the difference between traditional Christianity and its liberal version becomes increasingly sizeable. Again and again, we address the question of whether or not do we need such dialogue where we express our stand on women's priesthood or one-sex marriages, and at the same time, Protestant communities in the West and the North encourage such processes which make us sever our relations with them," Bishop Hilarion said.

According to him, the Russian Orthodox Church "is going to break off relations with those Protestant communities which will decide in favour, for example, of same-sex marriages."

Bishop Hilarion also mentioned that the last Bishops' Council had no serious discussion about the participation of the Russian Orthodox Church in WCC, although several participants raised the question of its further presence in the ecumenical movement.

"I, therefore, think that this issue remains open and will depend only on the development of this organization and those Protestant communities which now have the majority in it," Bishop Hilarion said.

Taken from Europica 151 (to subscribe click here).

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New York Times article – September 15, 1895

MINISTER FOR SYRIANS
----

Christian Church to be Filled by a Damascus Preacher.
---

WILL ALSO VISIT OTHER CITIES
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[The photo, above, shows St Tikhon, center, with his two vicars - left Bishop Innokenty and right St Raphael]

Bishop of Alaska and the Aleutian Islands Asked the Emperor of Russia to Make the Appointment.

Among the foreign colonies the Syrian colony is one that is attaining importance, as it has been steadily growing in numbers for several years past. The number of Syrians at present residing in this city is estimated at 10,000, and in the United States at 150,000. Of course nearly all of them are Christians, either Maronites or members of the Orthodox Church, and should they keep on coming to this country at the rate they have been it will not be very long before only few Christians will be left in Syria. The natives will all be Mohammedan and Druses. To what extent the industries and trade of that country will be affected by the loss of this thrifty population can hardly be determined at present, for the Christians of Syria have certainly been the mainstays of industry and commerce there, as well as of agriculture.

Many Syrians of the better classes have of late been coming to the United States, among them representatives of commercial firms in Beyroot, Damascus, and other cities. The great majority, however, come from the working classes, and there are now here shoemakers, weavers, spinners, and farmers, not a few of whom have gone to California where they are engaged in the cultivation of the vine, figs, oranges, apricots, olives, and other fruits. There was talk some time ago of going into the silk-raising business, which the mountainers of the Lebanon understand so thoroughly, but it was decided that that industry could not well be conducted on a large scale, and small farmers were not forthcoming who could afford to wait several years until the mulberry trees should grow large enough to yield leaves for the silkworms. In the Lebanon the work of feeding the worms is given to the women and children, and the utmost cleanliness, care, and proper ventilation, and temperature are required, for without these the worms either sicken and die or their silk becomes coarse.

In New-York, Syrian Arabs live all over the city, but the headquarters where old residents have lived for years, and where the new-comers go, is in the lower part of Washington Street and cross streets. A good many of them are easily distinguishable by a rather dark complexion, and might by some be taken for Italians or Frenchmen from the South of France, but not a few are of quite light complexion, with light-colored hair. Some of the girls that come from Damascus and certain parts of the mountains are of amazing beauty, and some of the darker beauties have strikingly bright-looking black eyes that retain their lustre until old age.

As a rule the Syrians discard their native dress after their arrival here, not, perhaps, because they dislike it, but principally to avoid annoyance from the tough elements in the streets. Even the fez, or tarboosh, as the Syrians call the red Turkish cap, has generally been abandoned, and is rarely seen except on the newcomers in the stores and houses in the Washington Street colony.

They preserve, however, their native habits and customs, and favor Syrian dishes as much as they are able, and to accommodate those who have no settled homes, several Arab restaurants have been opened, where the Syrian can eat the same dishes on which he was brought up at home. They much resemble other Oriental cookery. Hard boiled rice, so prepared that the grains separate, and yakhny, a delicate, savory stew, is a favorite dish. A weakness of the Arabs is stuffed vegetables, called mahshee. The inside of a tomato or cucumber is taken out, and it is then stuffed with finely-chopped meat, spiced, and sometimes mixed with rice. Some sweetmeats, a small cup of strong, fresh-made coffee and a cigarette, or a nargilah, or water pipe, winds up the dinner--the Asha--and then the Arab is ready to sip more coffee, and smoke and tell stories or play backgammon, which game they call tawla, and of which they are passionately fond. An Arab "sport" will play tawla as long, and with as much earnestness and zeal, as a New- York "sport" will play poker.

The Syrian loves water, trees, and flowers, and perhaps one great reason that keeps Syrian colony in the lower part of Washington Street is its nearness to the Battery, where they can have a view of the bay, and see the fine trees and grass in the park. Many Arab mothers and their children can be seen about the Battery in the afternoon as and the men also go there toward evening to sit and talk and look. In Syria they will go miles to sit and smoke by the side of a streamlet. In the Arab quarter many of the Arab houses can be distinguished by plants that are reared on the fire escapes and window sills. Climbing plants are favorites, and the convolvulus, and even the cucumber vine, can be seen winding their tendrils about the fire escapes. The rehan, or sweet marjoram, is a great favorite with all.

There is a great deal of affection in the family circle among the Syrians, and respect for parents, especially for the mother, is the universal rule, and the children who do not honor their mother through life, and care for her in her old age, are considered worse than heathens. Such rules are universal, both among Mohammedans and Christians.

Many of the Syrian mountaineers who have come here have gone into the peddling business. They first started with religious trinkets that they sold to Roman Catholics, and then they gradually traded in other wares sold by peddlers. Several enterprising Syrian merchants started peddlers' supplies stores and are doing a large business. Others work in silk embroidery, make stockings, wraps, pocketbooks, suspenders, pearl beads, and perfumery, and one Syrian has recently patented a waistcoat button with a receptacle for perfumery.

The Syrians here are not slow in learning the English language for the purposes of general business, and among them are a number of gentlemen in the learned professions-physicians and editors. They support a few newspapers printed in Arabic, the principal one of which is published in this city and called Kawkab America, (The Star of America) edited by Dr. Abraham J. Arbeely, who has lived here many years and married an American woman, Miss Lafetra, and has several charming children who speak English better than they do Arabic. Dr. Arbeely furnishes his countrymen with a great deal of news from Syria and the Levant, and makes them acquainted with American institutions, customs, and manners. He is also preparing an English-Arabic grammar and pronouncing dictionary to facilitate the learning and pronunciation of the English language by Syrians. It will have about 500 pages.

Several months ago the Syrians of the Greek Orthodox Church in this country organized a benevolent society which they called the Benevolent Syrian Orthodox Society, and have just chosen Dr. Arbeely as President of the society. This society does not restrict its benevolence to members of the Greek Church only, as it has given assistance to Maronites and also Mohammedans in distress in a foreign land.

The Russian Bishop of Alaska, whose Episcopal See comprises all the United States, has been taking a great deal of interest in the Syrians of the Orthodox Greek Church who are in this country, and has quite recently prevailed upon the Russian Emperor and Synod to appoint a Syrian priest who studied in Russia as a pastor for orthodox Syrians in this country under the supervision of the Russian See. The success of the Russian bishop of Alaska was first published in the Syrian colony yesterday, and has created a great deal of rejoicing. The name of the Syrian-Russian priest is the Rev. Archimandrite Raphael Hawawini, native of Damascus, and he is expected here next month.

The following is a translation of the letter of the Chief Secretary of the Synod of Russia to the Bishop of Alaska informing him of the action of the Synod on his request to have Archimandrite Raphael Hawawini appointed and to fix salaries for him and a Syrian deacon of his own selection:

Charge of the Most Holy Governing Synod of the Russian Church,

To the Right Rev. Nicholas, Bishop of Alaska and the Aleutian Islands:

By command or his Imperial Majesty, the Most Holy Governing Synod has heard the report of your Right Reverence of the 15th or June of the present year, together with the presented petition of the Archimandrite Raphael, native of Damascus, in Syria, asking to be accepted in the service of the Alaskan diocese, with an appointment to the Church of New-York for the Arabians, emigrants from Syria, who live in America, and that he, Archimandrite Raphael, together with a Deacon—Syrian—who is to arrive, be granted a subsidence of 1,800 rubles in gold annually. And upon examination, it has come in order to consider:

Whereas the Archimandrite Raphael, a. native of Damascus, in Syria, in his petition to your Right Reverence explains that the orthodox Syrians-Arabians, in divers cities of the United States of North America, whose numbers exceed 10,000 souls, have not one sacred minister who should administer to their spiritual needs, and in the worship of God in the Arabian tongue, and they request him to be their religious pastor.

Whereas the Archimandrite Raphael desires to extend spiritual support to his kinsmen, he beseeches your Right Reverence to accept him in the service of your diocese, and to obtain for him from the Most Holy Synod an appointment to the Church in New-York for the orthodox Syrians, (Arabians,) who live there, as also for those who live in other American cities, and that if his request be granted he should receive besides traveling expenses an annual income of 1,800 rubles in gold, of which 1,200 rubles are to be for his personal support, and 600 rubles for the support of the Deacon.

Your Right Reverence reports that the appointment of the Archimandrite to service in the diocese entrusted to you is considered by you most desirable, and that the amount he names for his support you find to be not quite sufficient on account of the higher cost of living in America, and you ask for an increase of the salary and that 500 rubles in gold more be allowed for expenses in missionary visitations.

Having examined the above, and, bearing also in mind the answer of the Most Blessed Patriarch of Antioch in regard to the advisability of transferring Archimandrite Raphael to the service of the diocese in America, it is therefore re solved by the Most Holy Synod:

First—That your Right Reverence be allowed to receive the aforesaid Archimandrite into the diocese entrusted to you, with an appointment, together with a Deacon selected by him from Syria, to one of the churches of the diocese at your discretion.

Second—That for the support of the Archimandrite and the Deacon 1,800 rubles in gold will be annually appropriated, of which 1,200 will be for the Archimandrite and 600 for the Deacon, and 500 rubles more for traveling expenses.

Third—That in accordance with the statute concerning passage money granted to those who officially leave Russia to serve beyond the borders and imperially confirmed on May 1, 1867, the regularly appointed sum of 150 chervonets [chervonet, about $3.85] for passage money, and 150 chervonets for the expenses of moving and settling, the total of 316 chervonets be assigned to the Archimandrite Raphael, this sum being credited to the account for American churches and missions.

ALEXIS ZAVIALOV

Acting secretary in chief.

Acting Secretary Ser. Kamenski

July 17, 1895

When the Russian Bishop of Alaska received the letter, he wrote: "I am happy that God blessed this, my long desire, to give to the American Arabians a native Arab pastor! The diocesan office will send a copy of this charge to the rector of the church in New-York, and another copy to the Arabian newspaper for the information of the Syrians in America. Further, Archimandrite Raphael will annually, during two Summer months and two Winter months, visit the cities of the United States in which Arabians are more numerous, viz., Chicago, San Francisco, &c.

BISHOP NICHOLAS

"24 July, 1895, in Novgorod.''

Thanks to a FWD from Bishop THOMAS (Joseph) who acknowledges: "We thank Vera Acker, secretary of St. Philip's Church in Souderton, PA, and the wife of our deacon there, for her kind effort in transcribing this piece of history."

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Sometimes just plain ol' reality is far better and more "creative" than fiction. For example, my interview with the "Big Banana" was priceless -- though the Big Yellow One probably thought it was right on the money.

I'm hoping to one day get a report that the Small Town Heroes came to play some Byzantine Bluegrass at an Orthodox Tent Revival.

This story (Choir Eye for Retired Guys), parading as an actual story, is also worth a try.

Then there's things that just happen, which are totally subjective, and hard to explain.

Finally, in the midst of the Don Imus controversy, innocently enough, there was Cap'n Hoe.

Award Host
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

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Taking a posting break from humour (I told you this wasn't the funniest blog), several have written me to trumpet the following piece. I'm all in favor of Orthodox and Catholic joint efforts -- working together -- toward the Kingdom, and I generally find our relations in the blogosphere a great blessing. Yet, forgive the paraphrase, as things now stand (I mean what has changed?), you cannot call the Church your Mother ... while acknowledging two Papas.


Orthodox leader suggests "dual unity" for Eastern Catholics

Constantinople, Jun. 19, 2008 (CWNews.com) - The Orthodox Patriarch of Constantinople has responded favorably to a suggestion by the head of the Ukrainian Catholic Church for a system of "dual unity" in which Byzantine Catholic churches would be in full communion with both Constantinople and Rome.

Patriarch Bartholomew I of Constantinople welcomed the proposal in an interview with the magazine Cyril and Methodius, the RISU news service reports. The acknowledged leader of the Orthodox world suggested that the "dual unity" approach would produce something akin to the situation of the Christian world in the 1st millennium, before the split between Rome and Constantinople.

Cardinal Lubomyr Husar of Kiev, the Major Archbishop of the Ukrainian Catholic Church-- the largest of the Eastern Catholic churches-- had offered the possibility that Byzantine Catholics might seek communion with the Ecumenical Patriarchate, without giving up their communion with the Holy See. Patriarch Bartholomew expressed distinct interest in the idea, saying that "the mother Church in Constantinople holds the doors open for the return of all her former sons and daughters."

Patriarch Bartholomew acknowledged that a restoration of unity would require study, and important differences would have to be overcome. However, he observed that major steps have already been taken to resolve disagreements-- most importantly the revocation of the mutual decrees of excommunication issued by Rome and Constantinople against each other in 1054.

While Catholic and Orthodox theologians continue their efforts to reach agreement on doctrinal questions, Patriarch Bartholomew said, "the people at the grass roots have to come together again." He pointed to the "dual unity" idea as a possible step toward practical unity.

If you wish, here's the rest.
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My teen-aged daughter is, of course – by default – a Priest Kid (or PK for short). A while back, on a retreat down in the border town of Pharr, Texas, she met another gal, a PK, and they became long-distance friends.

Recently, she told me of a T-Shirt that this girl and some other PKs were marketing which featured, on the front in big letters: P. K.

And on the back it read: “We believe because we HAVE to!”

Of course, pretending to be a sober-minded Daddy Priest, I said, “Uh, no.”

BUT … really … believing because you have to is not such a bad deal.

Life gets a lot more difficult when we grow up and get out on our own and are responsible for our own beliefs. Scarier still is the thought that we will, at least the way I believe – We will some day be judged not so much by what we said we believed, but by those works which, by God’s grace, we did according to that belief.

Even the Saints, themselves, were not infallible. They, too, were sinners – strugglers just as we are. On this side of hagiography, we tend to remember – and rightly so – the virtues of the Saints. And yet, in their own earthly lives there were those who knew them differently.

There’s a saying: “Eternal rest with the saints … but you wouldn’t want to live with them!”

For the rest of the story ...

The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

The fabulously bizarre image is stolen from a portion of The Last Judgment -- Image Source
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Awards notwithstanding, this is still not the funniest blog. Sometimes, there's a rant or two. But some, funny or not, seem worth a read ...

Kids at Christmas. Aren't we all?

It's obvious: Cows Can't Spell.

Sometimes I simply post FWDs from folks. The one about Gilligan's Island brought in a lot of traffic.

Making fun of Southerners, even for Southerners, is always fun (not to mention Blondes).

There are times when humour fails and rants are in order. Forgive me.

After all those years of books, movies, televangelists and the like -- The number of the Beast was finally revealed.

I still find this one funny: a visual & a song.

This post, a review on the first Narnia movie, was the last (on this blog) to feature a comment from Mary "Stolzi" Stolzenbach. May her memory be eternal!
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As previously mentioned, awards notwithstanding, this is not the funniest blog. However, here's some past posts which, at least to me, were fun well worth reading.

Back in January of 2005, Of Course Sponge Bob is Gay sought to understand Dr James Dobson's campaign against beloved cartoon characters. (None of the old links in that piece are essential -- nor do they now work -- except the final one, which is essential.)

Forgive me, but before I moved to Houston I used to say: "There's two kinds of bad drivers: women ... and men who drive like women." Saudi Arabia might want to take note. (Since moving to Houston I have discovered that I can no longer properly define "bad driving." I'm just a man.)

REMEMBER: Always turn those cell phones off in church (especially on Good Friday).

This is not really funny, I'm not even sure it makes sense, like bad drivers in Houston: all things are relative.

Back before all her broadcast sorrows, bizarre as it may seem, there was a connection between Britney Spears and the "Gospel of Judas."

Speaking of Judas, here's a piece on my visit to the parish of St Judas the Wonderwinker (some links, like the veracity of Judas's Gospel, have expired).


More later ...
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MEMPHIS, Tenn. (BP) - A new interpretation of Mark's Gospel, character slams on the late Jerry Falwell and rejection of Jewish evangelism were among the topics aired at workshops June 19-20 during the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship General Assembly in Memphis, Tenn.

A statement in the General Assembly Guide says, "The opinions and views presented in General Assembly ministry workshops are those of the workshop presenters and do not necessarily reflect the viewpoint of, or endorsement by, The Fellowship or its members.

"Holding to the principles of soul freedom and church freedom, General Assembly workshop presenters do not speak for the Fellowship as an organization or for any of the Fellowship's members. The ministry workshops are a time for learning and exchanging ideas and are not indicative of personal or organization doctrinal positions."

NEW INTERPRETATION OF MARK

The Gospel of Mark was probably a Gnostic gospel that made it into the canon of orthodox Christian Scripture because either early church leaders failed to recognize it as Gnostic or because it was too popular to suppress, John Killinger said June 20 in his workshop "A Dramatic New Interpretation of the Gospel of Mark."

Killinger, executive minister and theologian in residence at Marble Collegiate Church in New York City, suggested in a workshop the previous day (covered by Baptist Press) that in the current age, the church should no longer preach that Jesus is God incarnate.

"The more I've thought about it, the more I am convinced -- now hold onto your chair Baptist Press if you're here -- I am convinced that this Gospel is a Gnostic Gospel, that Mark was one of those thousands and thousands of Gnostic Christians," Killinger said.

Gnostics were a cult during the first three centuries of Christianity who taught there was certain secret spiritual knowledge to which only a select group had access. Killinger pointed out that many other Gnostic gospels were written but not included in the Christian canon.

"You know, the Gnostics lost," Killinger said. "The orthodox Christians won. They were the Nashville of their day. They overpowered and took possession of the property. They had the orthodox faith. But all over the empire, there were little pockets of Christians who didn't see eye to eye with them."

The evidence that Mark was a Gnostic gospel is the resurrection account is hidden throughout the book rather than at the end, he said. Especially in Mark 4-6, there are several stories about dramatic transformation that could be hidden resurrection accounts, Killinger said.

Interpreting Mark as a Gnostic gospel helps explain several puzzling features in Mark such as Jesus' insistence that His followers keep His identity a secret, the book's high regard for women and the truncated resurrection account, Killinger said.

Killinger's church affirms homosexuality as normative and not sinful, and on its homepage has a link dedicated to the "gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgendered community."

More here.
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Wild Fires threaten Saint Herman of Alaska Monastery in Platina, California

His Grace Bishop Maxim of the Western American Diocese urges all of our Orthodox faithful to offer prayers for the protection of the St. Herman of Alaska Serbian Orthodox Monastery in Platina, California. Wild fires are quickly approaching the Monastery grounds and the Monastery is in great danger of being burned down. The Monastic Community has been evacuated and are seeking refuge in the neighboring parish of Redding.

UPDATE: Wednesday, June 25, 2008 - 1:07 p.m.

A message from Fr. Damascene of the St. Herman Monastery to His Grace Bishop
Maxim:

Fr. Damascene informed His Grace that he called Platina this morning and was
told that the fire is not spreading in the direction of the Monastery. Fr.
Damascene and Monk Paisius have left to Platina to talk with firefighters and
forest rangers. The other monks will remain in Redding until further notice.

For further UPDATES go here.
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As my boss's father-in-law likes to say: "I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you!"

Take a peek at the updates on the OrthoRomance site.

He's newly wed and still fresh enough in the deal to mention the fish that got away, all the while being tickled pink with the catch God provided.

Or, could be, his wife (the Game Warden) just hasn't clobbered him yet.

By the way, tonight being the night, Happy Honeymoon to all!
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In the past, some have asked for podcast scripts. Due to our Diocesan Parish Life Conference, this week's podcast is an encore presentation from the archives; here it is, at least the majority of it, in written form.

For the full audio version, click HERE.

The question is often asked: "How do we bring Americans to Orthodoxy?" America is a big and complex country made up mostly of people who came from somewhere else. And this query is compounded if you mix in the cultural peculiarities of The South. Now, when I say The South, I am referring to that region formerly referred to as the Confederacy. And, for reality's sake, one must admit that Florida’s been annexed by New York, portions of Virginia resemble Washington, DC, and Texas is, let's be really real, a country unto itself.

Nonetheless, the question arises: "Orthodoxy in the South?" To illustrate, let’s run through a Top Ten List:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE SOUTHERN ORTHODOX WHEN:

Number 10) At Pentecost, your church is decorated with Kudzu.

Number 9) You spell "feast" with only three letters: B B Q.

Number 8) You say "Father," "Barsonuphios," and "Monastery" without any pronouncing an "r."

Number 7) You drive 3 hours to an Orthodox Church. But, could hop, on one foot, with your eyes closed (and a rock in your shoe), to the nearest Baptist Church.

Number 6) Your services are all in English -- at least that's what YOU call it.

Number 5) There are women in your church known as: Photini Beth, Thecla Beth, and Elizabeth Beth.

Number 4) There are men going by: Athanasius Lee, Euphrosynos Lee, and Vasiliy Lee.

Number 3) You got white folks, black folks -- even Democrats -- in your parish, but no Russians, Serbians, Arabs or Greeks.

Number 2) You know someone who knows someone who knows someone with a velvet picture of Elvis celebrating the Last Supper.

AND ... the number one sign that you are an Orthodox Southerner:

You think grits are too good to be considered fasting!

But, in all honesty, though there are cultural differences within this ethnic soup we call Orthodoxy, we’re not as different as it appears. We just use different words to say similar things. For example, in The South we say: “Bless Your Heart.” Someone once said: “A true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway; you just say, ‘Bless her heart’ and go your own way.”

Then again, by adding that Southern phrase – “Bless your heart” – you can say pretty much anything you want. "Oh, look at her, she's put on so much weight. Bless her heart." "He is so lazy, bless his heart." "And, Ugly! Bless his heart.” Well, you get the picture.

Which brings me to the Evil Eye. The belief in the Evil Eye is common to most Mediterranean and Middle-Eastern countries, regardless of education, religion and urban/rural context. In Lebanon it is part and parcel of everyday life, and one wouldn't buy a car without buying a protection along with it.

The Eye is cast by a person, most often involuntarily and unconsciously, through envy or jealousy. So, for instance, a Middle-Eastern lady sees a cute little girl and gushes: “She’s so cute! Ohh. Smallah, smallah, smallah!” First glimpse of that newborn baby? “Smallah, smallah, smallah!” The bride in her bridal gown? “Smallah, smallah, smallah!” The groom in his ill-fitting tux … “Bless his heart.”

Smallah – which means "In the name of God" – is a beautiful habit to protect against the sin of envy. “Bless your heart” is a quirky little prayer, of sorts, to soften hard reality.

In other words, to avoid casting the Eye, people always add "Smallah" ("In the name of God") when they are complimenting someone on their children or possessions. When someone showers one with compliments, he may jokingly say "Stop or you'll hit me with the Eye!" A consequence of this belief is that Lebanese are accustomed not to speak of projects that aren't securely founded yet, lest they be affected.

No different in The South; for instance: “Hush your mouth.” My mom would often say this to me whenever I spoke of some horrible worry or the potential for future disaster: “Hush your mouth, son.” (As if my saying it might just make it happen.)

My point is, dig deeply enough and we’re all the same; the same struggles, the same joys, the same sorrows. The same need. We need salvation. And to achieve that salvation we not only need God, we also need each other. We need the Church. And the Church is made up of nothing but sinners – no matter your ethnicity, no matter your language, social status, or particular illness.

Our Lord said, “Go, make disciples of ALL nations …” Nushkra Allah (Thanks be to God) this is happening – even in Texas, Florida, Virginia and The South. It is no longer foreign – Orthodoxy. Rather, by God’s grace and the patient endurance of those who came before us, the Ancient Faith, once lived primarily by Russians, Serbians, Arabs and Greeks is being joyfully embraced by Rednecks, Plowjocks, and City Folk; not only in the Bible Belt but in the Heartland, the Great Lakes, the Northwest & the Sandwich Islands. Smallah, Smallah, Smallah.

Malo-po-malo (Russian: little by little), by God’s grace, we toil in this vineyard. “Baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit …” and, our Lord continues, “I am with you always … even to the close of the age.”

How do we bring Americans to Orthodoxy? It takes time. It takes patience. It takes perseverance. It takes love, forgiveness and understanding. We all need each other, struggling together within the Church.

I once heard a pal relate his getting a speeding ticket whereupon he asked the officer: “Say, you see all these cars speeding past; out of all these, why me?” The patrolman looked at him and smiled; he said, “Did you ever go fishing?” And before my friend could answer, he continued: “Did you ever catch them all?”

The same held true even for our Lord and the Apostles. Alas, not everyone – Bless Their Hearts – will come Home to the True Faith. As they say in The South, “You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.” Inchallah (Arabic for “good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise”), malo-po-malo, we’ll make it. Nonetheless, as St John Chrysostom was wont to say, and this works well in any language: “Glory to God for all things.”

Image Source (Daffy Duck doing the evil eye).
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On Wednesday, June 11, 2008, His Eminence, Metropolitan PHILIP received the newly elected and enthroned Metropolitan of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russia, His Eminence, HILARION. His Eminence was elected and enthroned in May as the First Hierarch of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russia at the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Sign in New York City following the death of His Eminence, Metropolitan LAURUS of thrice-blessed memory. Accompanying His Eminence was Protopresbyter Alexander Lebedeff, the Secretary of Inter-Orthodox Relations. Also present from the Antiochian Archdiocese were His Grace, ANTOUN, Bishop of Miami and the Southeast, Archpriest Thomas Zain, Dean of St. Nicholas Cathedral in Brooklyn, NY and Mr. Charles Ajalat, the Archdiocesan Chancellor. Pictures from this historic meeting may be found here.
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Hooray!

ROME - The Vatican has banned the makers of Angels & Demons, the latest Dan Brown thriller to be filmed, from shooting scenes not only in the Vatican but in any church in Rome on the ground that it is "an offense against God" and "wounds common religious feelings".

Archbishop Velasio De Paolis, head of the Vatican's Prefecture for Economic Affairs, said that the author had "turned the Gospels upside down to poison the faith. It would be unacceptable to transform churches into film sets so that his blasphemous novels can be made into mendacious films in the name of business."

Made. My. Day.

Here.
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