Saturday, December 29, 2007

 

St Joseph & Mass Appeal

There was a time, not so long ago, when Christmas cards, religious pictures, and Nativity Scenes would portray St Joseph as an older man. After all, this is the Tradition of the Church.

These days, not so.

Last week while visiting family in North Carolina, I saw a discouraging sight … It was a Roman Catholic church building that looked like, ahem, well – suffice it to say, it did not look like a place of Christian worship! Rather, it resembled an Elementary school building: brick façade, green metal roof, no steeple, no statue -- not even a Cross. You wouldn’t know it was even a church if not for the sign out front.

Then, beside the church sign, there was a big banner saying: “Keep Christ in Christmas.” Portrayed on the banner was a graphic of what’s popularly known as the Holy Family – but Joseph and Mary were the same age … they looked like young hippies in love, staring down at their new bundle of joy.

I wanted to scream: HEELLLLOOOO!

I mean, shouldn’t we be encouraging people to keep the MASS in Christmas? Face it, if we believe as we claim to: Christ is already there!

Yet it is the MASS, the Divine Liturgy for the Feast, that constitutes Christ’s Mass – CHRISTMAS! Such slogans are intended, of course, to remind us to remember Jesus amid all the holiday business of the shopping season that stretches from, at least, Thanksgiving to ...

The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

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Friday, December 28, 2007

 

Three for Tween Week

Just back from North Carolina, just before heading HERE ... regular updates, God willing, in the new year.

1) A Complaint Against the World ...

No advantages do you offer those who love you, O world, you dwelling-place of sorrows. All who draw near to you do you seduce with your treasures and with all your delights, but in the day of death both the fair countenance of the beautiful and the might of the strong will be cast down into the grave. Woe to him who loves you and is loved by you, for his joy will be transformed into cries.

In the world -- the sea of sin -- all my days have passed in vain. My life has gone by without bringing me any profit. I have even forgotten about the day of death. I have whirled about and gathered a burden of sins, whole sheaves of tares destined to be consumed by fire. And behold -- lamentation and sighs await me in that land full of horrors.

Because I have loved you, O cunning world, from youth through old age, the time of my life has passed without my notice; and lo, in sin will death steal me away. O, if only I had never set foot in you, O world that deceives all who enter! Those who love you enjoy no pleasures, and those who hate you weep not. Blessed is he who has torn your snares asunder -- he shall inherit the habitation of joy.

This world deceives even the wise with its appearance, for at times it appears desirable. It even offers benefits and treasures for loan, but in the day of death it will take them back and give in return torment incomparably greater than our sins. For a short while will it let us sin, but as a reward it will give us eternal darkness.

Righteous art Thou, O Lord, and righteous is Thy judgment that condemns the world and those who love it! Therefore do I pray Thee that Thy right hand which pulled Simon out of the sea might also pull me out of the waves and the tumult of this world that rise up against me. I have become mired in filth; the waters of the world are drowning me, they do not let me break loose to catch my breath. May Thy Cross, O Lord, be my staff and my support on the path along which I walk.

-- St Ephraim the Syrian


2) A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. “Bad food,” he says. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s fine,” the elders say. “You have done nothing but complain since you got here.”

Thanks to FWD from Ron Ford.


3) You, too, come to Christ ... Don’t think of the long journeys ... One reaches him, the omnipresent one, through love, not by seafaring. Yet, since the floods and storms of manifold temptations are common enough on this voyage, too, believe in the crucified one so that your faith is capable of climbing onto the wood. Then you will not sink ...

-- St Augustine

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Saturday, December 22, 2007

 

The Inside Skinny on the Incarnation

Christmas is a time for clothes. It’s one of the few times that I actually notice clothes. I am no clotheshorse or trendsetter. Thanks to Christmas, I have never bought a pair of underwear … for myself. Ever.

Christmas finds even the houses, trees, and pets clothed in festive array. During the season you will see some of the oddest outfits that you will ever see -- and many of the prettiest will remain on the mannequin; ‘tis the dressiest time of the year.

Christmas and clothes … go hand in hand. In fact, at some age, usually in your late teens, for some reason, most of the Christmas presents you receive become clothes. For this I am truly grateful,else I might still be wearing platform shoes and silk shirts. (Wait. Are those back in style yet?)

Contrary to that song, Santa Baby, sung by the mis-named singer, Madonna, it’s not about Santa – or, really, the Baby. The reason for the Feast and the season is: God became flesh. The Word was clothed in human flesh. Within the Virgin Mary the Word was clothed with human flesh … and Christ, the Son of God -- eternal and before the ages -- was born a babe. Jesus: God dressed in human flesh ...


Yet it may happened during the holiday season that we ask ourselves: “Am I doing this right? Is this the way to celebrate the birth of Christ?”

What is the right way to celebrate the birth of the Saviour? No matter how we answer this question, one thing is certain: CLOTHES. We’ll put them on, we’ll try them on, we’ll give them, and we’ll receive them. We may find that we’ve outgrown them. [This time of year does have a way of clothing us with a few more pounds.] Nonetheless, somewhere amid all the cares, burdens, and worries of the Christmas season, you might ask yourself: “Am I doing this right?”

Whether we celebrate something once in a lifetime or annually we have a tendency to want to do it right -- as if the moment depends on us! Usually, we overdo it. Our sinful pride clouds our vision. We think the more we do -- the better things will be. We fall prey to the Serpent’s lie from the tree and view ourselves as gods.

Say, didn’t this lead to worries about clothing to begin with?

Speaking of which …

You know that part in the Book of Genesis where, when after the transgression, Adam and Eve tried to hide themselves from God because they were naked …

And, God makes them garments … garments of skin?

The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

For Image Source and more information on the Incarnation -- GO HERE.

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Thursday, December 20, 2007

 

The Poll Tax & the Roll Call

In the days of the king who enrolled people for the poll tax, our Savior descended

And enrolled people in the Book of Life.

He enrolled them, and they enrolled Him. On high He enrolled us,

On earth they enrolled Him. Glory to His Name!

-- St Ephrem the Syrian

Thanks to FWD from Fr Josiah Trenham.

Image Source

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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

 

In Praise of the Visible One

Praise to Him Who descended to us in human form! Praise to the Invisible One Who became visible for our sake! Praise to the Mysterious One Whom no mind can comprehend, and Who through His grace made Himself manifest by taking on flesh! Praise to Him Who invisibly cultivates our spirit. Blessed is He Who attuned the senses of our spirit, that it might ever play songs of exaltation to Him on its lyre.

-- St Ephrem the Syrian

Thanks to FWD from Fr Josiah Trenham.

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

 

I Don't Care What Mike Huckabee Says ...


... I just don't believe that Jesus and Hillary are brothers!

(A little joke there. Forgive me. BUT ... tmatt steps into it.)

Image of "Grimace" - Source

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Monday, December 17, 2007

 

EWTN: Bp Hilarion's Christmas Oratorio

Monday, December 17th, the world premiere of the Christmas Oratorio by Bishop HILARION will be broadcast live from Washington, DC on EWTN at 7:30PM Eastern Time (check your local listing for time and channel number in your area).

Update ...

The world premiere of “Christmas Oratorio” by Bishop Hilarion Alfeyev for two choirs and symphony orchestra is set for December 17, 2007, at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, Washington DC. It will be performed by the Russian Defense Ministry Symphony Orchestra together with the Choir of the Tretyakov Gallery and the Youth Choir of the Musical College by the Moscow Conservatory conducted by Valery Khalilov. The Washington Boys Choir will join the 180 Russian musicians at the finale of the “Oratorio.”

“At the heart of this composition lies the Gospel narrative of the birth and early days of Jesus Christ’s life on earth,” Bishop Hilarion said to Zenit News Agency. “The dramatization is essentially one of movement from darkness to light, from the Old Testament to the New, from the painful expectation of the Messiah to the triumphant joy of mankind’s salvation by God incarnate.”

Recitatives are interspersed by a variety of musical pieces for soloists and orchestra, for one or two choirs and orchestra, soloists and choir, orchestra without choir, and for two choirs a capella, singing alternately. The score includes 3 arias, for a treble, soprano and bass; 2 orchestral fugues, one for full symphony orchestra and one for the strings; as well as many choral pieces.

Like Bishop Hilarion’s earlier work, the “St Matthew Passion,” the oratorio is characterized by the depth of the choral and orchestral scoring, the clarity of the melody and widespread use of vocal harmonies. Nonetheless, in its style and dramatization, it is unlike “The Passion,” which owed its intonation and style to Russian liturgical choral music of the 19th century and to Bach. Baroque models play no significant role in the “Christmas Oratorio” and the liturgical choral style is not the dominant one. Where “The Passion” was deliberately ascetic in its delivery (it used only one choir and strings) this oratorio uses two choirs and also a complex score for different sections of the orchestra: strings, woodwind, brass and percussion sections, including the timpani, campanelli and tubular bells.

The angels’ glorification in song of the Son of God who is born in Bethlehem is joined by that of humans. This joint exaltation is symbolized by the singing of the boys’ choir and the mixed choir.

The Washington premiere of the Oratorio will be broadcast live by EWTN (Eternal World Television Network) and can also be followed through this television network’s web site. The time of TV broadcast is 7:30PM Eastern time on Monday, 17 December. The broadcast will be repeated on 18 December at 4:00PM Eastern time and on 20 December at 4:00AM Eastern time.

For an interview with His Grace from March of this year, go HERE.

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Saturday, December 15, 2007

 

Twas the Week before Christmas

Twas the night of Nativity, when all through the church ...

No one was stirring, not even that naughty kid Burch;

The lampadas were hung by the icons with care,

In hopes Fr Vasilios soon would be there;

The children were seated all snug in their pews,

With visions of hotdogs, M&Ms and juice;

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I sans my cap,

Had just settled in for our long liturgical recap.

When out in the narthex arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my spot to see what’s the matter.

Away to the candle stand I flew like a flash,

Bumped into an usher, who was really quite brash.

The look on his face was one you would know

He looked like ol’ Scrooge more so than Mr HoHo!

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,


But a little grey Pinto with eight kids in the rear ...


The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

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Appalachian State Does It Again

What a year for ASU!

First there was THIS ...

like Hayseeds & Mustard Seeds.

Then there was the Iran thing.

Dawn Eden even got in on the action (so to speak).

And last night they blew away Delaware (49-21) for their THIRD straight National Title.

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Friday, December 14, 2007

 

THIS WEEK: Defeating Sin on OCN




This Week on OCN: Defeating Sin: Overcoming Our Passions and Changing Forever

From the OCN Website ...

Join us this week for exciting new programming on Come Receive the Light, The ARK and The RUDDER. On Come Receive the Light, Fr. Chris will speak with Fr. Joseph Huneycutt on Defeating Sin: Overcoming Our Passions and Changing Forever.

Also, His Eminence Archbishop Nicolae of the Romanian Orthodox Archdiocese in the Americas speaks with Fr. Chris about preparing for and celebrating the feast of Christ's birth.

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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

 

TWO Flew Under the Christmas Tree!



As traveling and holiday mail begins to complicate matters, NOW is the time to buy those last minute books and have them delivered just in time for gift giving! Order either or both titles from PayPal in the side margin and they will be signed, sealed & delivered ASAP. For quantity discounts, visit Regina Orthodox Press.
And -- THANKS!

One Flew Over the Onion Dome ...

The Convert experience is full of surprises, not only for the pilgrims involved but for those who attempt to pastor and teach them. One Flew Over the Onion Dome tackles these challenges with up-front honesty, good humor, and steadfast faith.

-- Frederica Mathewes-Green

Fr Joseph Huneycutt's book is reminiscent of John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, in that it details the pitfalls, traps and snares that so easily entrap those who set out to travel the narrow Way. Likewise, he points out the underlying spiritual maladies of the soul and how to avoid the various pitfalls. Many may be able to point out the problems one encounters, even giving them a name. But to identify a problem, i.e., a spiritual malady, is not the same thing as being able to cure it. Overcoming the problem is a different matter entirely. Thanks be to God he offers helpful pastoral counsel to those who must guide others in this difficult path.”

+ MARK, Bishop of Toledo and the Diocese of the Midwest

"We have found the Pearl of Great Price," could be a subtitle to this gem, One Flew Over the Onion Dome. It is a precious collection of heart-beats reflecting the various facets of the same pilgrimage that St Paul made when called by Christ on the road to Damascus: scrutiny and doubt from Cradles, heart-wrenching rejection by family and friends, periodic re-consideration while zealously bearing fruit in the Lord, delight in the "coming home," humble acknowledgment of the gift received. "My story is not much different from the host of other stories of Americans converting to Eastern Orthodox Christianity," confesses Fr Joseph Huneycutt. Although each story has a thread common to the others, each one is singular because it is the life-searching quest of a unique soul longing for "in the present age the knowledge of the truth and in the future age, everlasting life.

This is a must read for Cradles who might need to re-appreciate the Truth, for Seekers who have found the way but must patiently walk it while waiting for that blessed life which is to come and especially for hierarchs under whose omophorions the Good Shepherd has led these sheep for pastoring and who will be called to account for their eternal well-being."

+ NATHANIEL, Archbishop of Detroit

Defeating Sin ...

This attractive exposition of current, yet timeless, anthropological issues is distinguished by its clarity of vision and originality of expression. As the book unfolds, it becomes increasingly evident that the unbroken Tradition of the Church is the sole key to understanding God’s revelation to man. Because the author has so firmly placed his trust in the holiness of this Tradition, his thinking, both creative and inspired, elucidates the charismatic character of the way of salvation which leads to the renewal of life. His doctrine is sound, and it will surely prove to be of great value in informing and convincing the heart of modern man about God’s truth.

-- Archimandrite Zacharias (Zacharou) of the Patriarchal Stavropegic Monastery of St John the Baptist in Essex, England

Father Joseph has the unusual ability to take timeless truth, Biblical knowledge, and theology, and communicate them in a practical, and readily understandable form that has the wonderful potential of helping us to be transformed through the renewing of our minds.

-- Ron Moore
International Singer/Songwriter/Speaker

This book has evolved over several decades of reflection that is both personal and part of our Orthodox family inheritance. This is a read that will bring many back through its pages just as memories of powerful retreats and epiphanies return to us and become once again moments of grace in an hour of need. DEFEATING SIN: Overcoming our Passions and Changing Forever is a book that will be marked up and well-worn by those who own it and no doubt shared with other Christians who long for a well of renewal and a blessed retreat.

-- The Very Rev. Dr. Chad Hatfield - Chancellor, St. Vladimir’s Orthodox Seminary

Passions and virtues – words not generally used in everyday vocabulary in the 21st century. Yet, who of us has not seen lives ruined or exalted as a direct result of one or the other of these words and their implications. This book provides meaningful and practical insight into the significant “opposites” that affect our lives both here and hereafter. Fr. Joseph takes us to that fateful garden where the first Adam, the first Eve and the first tree set a course for death and destruction. But he also takes us to a hill where the second Adam, the second Eve and a very different tree changes that course for eternity. Read this, go to confession, and then read it again.

John Maddex, General Manager, Ancient Faith Radio

May you, reader, be blessed and enlightened and encouraged in your struggle by the wisdom contained in this book, to the glory of the All-Holy Trinity and the salvation of your soul.

+ BASIL, Bishop of the Diocese of Wichita & Mid-America


Order signed copies of DEFEATING SIN and/or One Flew Over the Onion Dome through PayPal in the side margin (at left) or -- unsigned, multiple copies -- through the publisher at Regina Orthodox Press.

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

 

BREAKING NEWS: UUs to Join Episcopals

Whodathunk, Missouri - In a move that some are hailing as "Well, Duh," seventeen (16) congregations of Unitarian Universalists have signed an agreement of intent to join in full Eucharistic Communion with the Episcopals.

"Why not tie the knot?" said Jeff Jefferson of Jeffords Ford. "We've been watching the Episcopals for some time now. Oh sure, they've been getting some bad press -- but it's all good by us! One says heresy, another says hooray!"

Shannon Ford of West Jefferson chimed in: "I think this is great. My great grandfather was an Episcopal. But that was back in the day when they were known as Episcopalians and believed in many things contrary to Unitarian doctrine -- like Doctrine. As Unitarians, we believe in the freedom of religious expression. All individuals are encouraged to develop their own personal theology, and to present openly their religious opinions without fear of censure or reprisal. We've come to conclude that the Episcopals believe the same."

Wilma Tisdale (nee Jefferson) was one of the signers of the Accord. She said the convergence was harmonic, hastening to add: "We believe in the authority of reason and conscience. The ultimate arbiter in religion is not a church, or a document, or an official, but the personal choice and decision of the individual."

One of the qualities that the Unitarians bring to the table is "stability," said the Rev'd Alford Longfellow, pastor of St Gilded Lily by the Silver Lake. As a priest of 30 years in ECUSA, he's grown weary of all the changes within his denomination. He quoted Benjamin Franklin, saying: "As to Jesus of Nazareth, my opinion of whom you particularly desire, I think the system of morals and his religion, as he left them to us, the best ... but I apprehend it has received various corrupting changes, and I have ... some doubts as to his divinity, tho' it is a question I do not dogmatize upon." Alford added, "It has taken generations and not a little sweat and toil, but we have all arrived at the same place."

While many claim that this move was brought about by those formerly known as Episcopalians and their jettisoning the traditional beliefs of the Christian faith, others see this union as a labor of love that has come of age. "We believe in the motive force of love" said Jeff Jefferson. "The governing principle in human relationships is the principle of love, which always seeks the welfare of others and never seeks to hurt or destroy."

However, not everyone is impressed. Cathy Olix of East Oxford called the new union a disgrace, saying: "I never thought I'd see the day! There once was a time when a Unitarian was a Unitarian (whatever that was) and an Episcopalian was an Episcopalian (whatever that was). Now it seems that what was is -- and that just ain't right. They're even calling us Episcopals -- whatever that is!"

When asked about the next step in the process toward union, everyone was in mutual agreement: "There is no next step." As if to seal the deal, the Accord cites the Reverend Samuel J. May in a paper written in the 19th century: "Because we have no formula of faith; no system of doctrines; no list of articles prescribed by pope, bishops, General Assembly, or other human authority, which every one must profess to believe before he can be admitted to membership in our church, -- there are those who allege that we Unitarians have no faith; that we believe nothing, or that each one believes what he pleases."

And this, everyone agrees, is exactly what the Episcopals believe.

(This satirical post is not intended to diss the beliefs of Unitarian Universalists -- which, it seems, have remained consistent. In that regard, they are more traditional than, well, the "Episcopals.")

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Saturday, December 08, 2007

 

Baby Jesus by the Chimney

Did you read about that Baby Jesus that was recently stolen from someone’s yard? Oh, I’m sure more than one Baby Jesus has been stolen this year – perhaps even in your town!

Well, I decided to do something about it … I became an Investigator.

The other day I went door-to-door in my neighborhood in search … of Baby Jesus.

My first stop was the home of Minerva Simmons, aged 73, on Tomball Drive. She’s the owner of the giant Crèche scene … You know with the big plastic light-up Mary & Joseph, Wise Men, Manger, and the optional Star on a Pole …

And as I pulled into her driveway it was crystal clear that something – Someone – was missing … the Manger was empty. It was just a cradle for hay. Yep, Baby Jesus, MFM (missing from manger).

(In the place where the plastic body normally lay was a sign that read: “Have you seen me?” – with a picture of Baby Jesus … well, you know what I mean …)

Friends, I’ll spare you further details but, Mrs Simmons was devastated. This plastic Baby Jesus had been in their family since the 1970s when her kids were young. It meant the world to her.

Silly me, I don’t know why -- but I asked her if it had been made in China. She said, “No, Malaysia.” Malaysia is, of course, predominantly Muslim – and I briefly contemplated them naming a plastic baby JESUS as opposed to a stuffed Teddy bear named … oh, never mind.

But that wasn’t the strangest part of my day! After getting a good description of the Missing Plastic Jesus, I moseyed on over to ...

The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

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Friday, December 07, 2007

 

The Messiah Formerly Known as Jesus

Dispatches from the Intersection of Christianity and Pop Culture
Tom Breen, author
Fr Joseph Huneycutt, only the reviewer

It’s high time that someone finally wrote this book, but it should have been me. I’m a bit put off that there was not a more sufficient waiting period. Scout’s honour, I’m writing just as fast as I can. Please, in the future dear publishers, be patient. In this changing world of electronic gizmos (e.g., transistor radios, electric football, night-lights, and hot air popcorn), it’s difficult to stay ahead of the curve. Now comes word that there’s such a thing as an “Internet Theologian.” Who knew? Or, to use the hip e-parlance of the day: It. Should. Have. Been. Who? That’s right. Me. (For those of you above the age of 50, try diagramming the above phrase. Weird, huh?)

Well if you’re just now grasping weird, you’ll find no better primer than this little book – especially if you like things a bit on the churchy side. But, be warned: If you believe laughing to be a sin, you may, at this very moment, be on the threshold of grave danger. Do not. I repeat. Do not read this book. Unless, of course, you’re some sort of radical that believes sin is good for the soul.1
[NB: Scroll down for footnotes.]

As I have already mentioned – or, in case you just joined us – this book was not written by me. It was written by millions and millions of tiny words invented by Tom Breen.2 Calling himself the Internet Theologian, he writes:

First, there will be times in the course of this book when you will scratch your head and say, “I never knew that before. I’d better double-check it.” However, your fact-checking efforts will come to naught, because many of the statements I use to make points in this book are “pre-facts”: that is, they are statements that sound plausible, but for which there is yet no conclusive evidence to establish their accuracy.

What a goof. Please, bear with me as I pilfer a few more of his words:

In summary, what you hold in you hands is an impassioned attempt to explain, for the confused and bewildered, the places where religion intersects with popular culture and what this means for Christianity, America, and the future of movies marketed to audiences who don’t think there should be any swearing in war films.

Seeking here to prove my original point, I not only could have written those words – I just did!3

This work is not only cutting edge, entertaining, and life-changing, it’s also downright necessary. Religion is at the forefront of public debate in America in a way it hasn’t been since the great Civil Rights Era, when the Rev. Martin “Junior” Luther issued the famous Emancipation Proclamation from the steps of Faneuil Hall, with its immortal opening phrase: “Fourscore and seven years ago, I come not to praise Caesar, but to bury him.”

As an aside, those of you who know where or what a Faneuil is, please inform me at NoFunkyWords@hadIwrittenthebook.con.

You may be thinking to yourself, “Hey! If I’d wanted to read something really witty, something on the cutting edge combining technology, theology, chronology, and [insert favorite ology word here, like, for example, blog] I would have really gotten wiki with it and read Tom Breen’s new book, The Messiah Formerly Known as Jesus – Dispatches from the Intersection of Christianity and Pop Culture. Alas, I’m afraid to say, you would be wrong.4

As an Orthodox Christian, I was pleasantly surprised that the author used the word Orthodox (not, mind you, the more common dinky-o “orthodox”) at least seven million times in the book.5 For instance,

Orthodox Christians: Until recently, most scholars agreed that Orthodox Christians didn’t really exist. Like werewolves, fairies, and Romanians, they were simply a charming Old World fable designed to delight children with outlandish details regarding the rich, luxurious beards and interminable arguments about the proper interpretation of Greek words. Upon further reflection, some scholars now cautiously hazard the guess that there are roughly 250 million Orthodox Christians in the world, with a lineage stretching back to the earliest days of the Church. As for what these strange, chanting, hirsute folk actually believe, though, no one is yet confident enough to hazard a guess.6

Oh, don’t fret. The author makes fun of – which means explains – your particular brand of Christianity as well. What, you think I have all day? You’ll have to write your own review! Though, trust me, there’s big words to be learnt here:

Apokatastasis: This extremely long Greek word (meaning, literally, “Dukakis-like furlough program”) basically means “everyone gets off scot-free.” It’s sort of like what would happen if God were a Democrat. Origen, Gregory of Nyssa, and the awesomely-named Gregory Thaumaturge are the key early proponents of this theory. However, it fell into disfavor when Origen (or, possibly, just his backup singers, known as the Origen-ettes) suggested that even the Devil would be saved. Running into him in Heaven would be even more surprising than meeting Judas there, and marginally more of a shock than bumping into your Uncle Al.

Adult Converts to Orthodoxy are aware of the healing effects of just saying the word Apokatastasis. Oh sure, it’s a heresy all right. But only liars will say that it ain’t fun to say.7 Let me just add another footnote here.8

As I am getting fairly close to plagiarismcopyright infringement – the end of this book review, I must skip ahead through a good chunk of the Internet Theologian’s attempt at writing my book to steal the following two paragraphs:

Grown-Up Hippie Christians are important for our purposes because they have such a close and familiar relationship with popular culture. Since childhood, when TV was invented by Milton Berle, these people have thought of their lives in terms of popular culture, from the Beatles to the satisfying documentaries of the Sundance Channel.

And just as no one is better suited to explain Christianity than the Internet Theologian, no group is more skilled than the Grown-Up Hippie Christians at translating the confusing world of theology to the argot of pop culture. So why don’t they get more attention?9

Ah yes, here we are at the end of this review. But I shall not leave you hanging, dear reader. Closure is needed. First, a question: Do you have an Uncle Al? Me neither. So that part about not seeing him in heaven meant zippo to me. Now for the spoiler, since I was not allowed to write the book, though the blame is yet to jell in this regard, I shall leave you with – honest to goodness – the final paragraph of The Messiah Formerly Known as Jesus taken, I believe, from the book of Ezekiel:

“When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary not to praise Caesar, but to bury him, two roads diverged in a wood and I took the one less traveled by. We hold these truths to be self-evident: I think, therefore I am. Do unto others. I can call you Betty and Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al.”10
______________________________________

1 - Obviously, this should read: “Unless you believe that laughter is good for the soul” – but you know what I meant!

2 - For the record: Ever since I was young, I have used the word million, millions of times, to refer to “a whole lot” (i.e., way more than fourteen).

3 - The Internet Theologian’s book lies beside me on the couch, but I solemnly promise that I have typed every single word you have just read into my very own keyboard. (He merely wrote them first. And you know what the Bible says about those who are first, right? But I digress.)

4 - Facetious is a fun word, though often mispaled.

5 - Fourteen is also a big number.

6 - I hazard to say, mind you, that I would never have used hazard twice in the same paragraph. And, thinking back to the fourth grade, I seem to recall that hirsute means “close friend of Scooby-Doo.”

7 - Note: The word must be said with emphasis – at the very least – fourteen times.

8 - But don’t be fooled! Heresy may lead to icky bad things like what happened to the man Santa Claus slapped: “Arius eventually died in a bizarre bathroom incident, and really, the matter should have ended there. Who’d want to be a member of the party of the guy who exploded outside an outhouse” (p.117).

9 - That was the first time I’d ever typed the word argot and it was much easier than I would have thunk.

10 - Remember that music video with Paul Simon and Chevy Chase? Me neither. But this book is way, way too funny to miss! So, since you didn’t write it, you might as well read it. Granted, there will be some who’ll claim that I stole the writing style of the author in fashioning this book review. I say, “Prove it!” I mean, how do they know I didn’t write the review first?

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Wednesday, December 05, 2007

 

The Face of Santa


Back in '05, I received the following note from a reader:

I caught this [show on the Discovery Channel] on Christmas day. It was a very interesting history about his life and how his relics had traveled. Then using the relics they reconstructed his face using forensics.

My thoughts?

Well, it just goes to show ya, scientists should always check with the Orthodox -- it might save time, effort, and money:


















Icon of St Nicholas, 10-11th century, the Walters Art Museum.

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Tuesday, December 04, 2007

 

SATURDAY: Clergy Assoc Benefit Concert

St Romanos Chorale
Christmas Benefit Program


for the

Orthodox Clergy Association
of Greater Houston


Saturday, December 8th - 7:00 PM

Tickets - $10

Refreshments served following the performance.

St George Orthodox Church
5311 Mercer at Bissonnet
713-665-5252

In anticipation of the Nativity of Christ, this concert will expose the beauty and spirituality of Orthodox Christian worship services to non-Orthodox and Orthodox Christians, alike. Proceeds from this concert will help the Orthodox Clergy Association in their joint missionary and outreach projects, especially their broadcast, audio & electronic media efforts.

The purpose of the Orthodox Clergy Association is to find tangible ways to express Orthodox Christian unity, to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and to facilitate communication and fellowship among the brotherhood of Orthodox Clergy in Southeast Texas.

Thanks for your help!

For tickets & sponsorship info call 713-665-5252.

We hope to see you there!


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Monday, December 03, 2007

 

Do you believe that I can do this?

“If God doesn’t destroy America, He owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology!”

Sayings such as this are popular in the editorial pages of local newspapers – everything from wishing the destruction of homosexuals to the angrily penned words hailing the inevitable fall of America. They spew forth from talk radio, political speeches, even pulpits and mosques.

“The wrath of God is coming!

“A hard rain’s gonna fall!”

Even goofy bumper stickers ...

“The goddess is coming and boy is she [ticked]!”

Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah: “Go to Nineveh, cry against it, they must repent!” Jonah, instead, went in the opposite direction. Who could blame him? You see, Jonah could escape the call, but he couldn’t help but turn others to God.

On the sea, there’s a storm. The sailors aboard Jonah’s boat prayed to their gods, to no avail. Jonah? Jonah was asleep! Either Jonah had a very low energy level, or God was with him. The God of Mercy.

“What is this you have done?” Seems Jonah was a Hebrew and the God of heaven was displeased with his efforts. Not only was it quite a storm – they threw him overboard. Jonah even suggested it! Better to suffer the effects of the unknown than those of his accusers.

A funny thing happened on the way to the whale. Yet, in the meantime, the crew members, now sailing on a calmer sea, prayed to the True God after dispatching His wayward messenger. They were converted! And, by God’s mercy, even Jonah was saved.

After Jonah’s hymn of thanksgiving to the Good God, the fish spat him onto dry land. Again he heard the voice of God. And, well, what to do after such a deliverance?

“Repent! Yet forty days and Nineveh shall be overthrown! Repent!”

It’s that same sound, the voice of the Lord, which later asked: “Do you believe that I can do this?” They couldn’t see the questioner. But, they heard his voice; two blind men, begging to be healed. The Lord of Mercy asked, “Do you believe I can do this?”

“Yes, Lord,” came their reply.

And, according to their faith, they were healed; their eyes were opened to see the Lord of Mercy.


Did Jonah believe? Probably not … at least not in the beginning. The Lord is funny that way. He can take even nominal believers and use them to His glory. Paul? Wasn’t even a nominal believer … struck down from his horse and converted. And look what he did for the Faith!

Nineveh? Not even nominal. But … converted. Even the cattle!

Jonah?

Well …

Jonah pouted. God wasn’t acting the way Jonah wished. Yet, God was acting the way Jonah knew He would!

“Dadblame it! That’s why I fled when you called because I knew that you were gracious and merciful; slow to anger and abounding in mercy. And, doggonit, you repentest of evil ….”

Boys will be boys. Normally God acts normally. In his anger, Jonah threw a hissy-fit and asked God to take his life!

Below is the great city. The lights can be seen from the hillside. He’s all alone. What to do? He’s been there for some time now. His life is in shambles. He’s decided to end it. After all, God doesn’t seem to care. He’ll drive off the mountainside. They’ll find a note. Perhaps God will forgive him. He opens the glove-compartment to find a pen to write his goodbye note.

There’s no pen!

This can’t be. There’s always a pen in the car! A pencil? Nope. Nothing! What is a life – and its sudden ending – without a stinking suicide note?

He starts to cry. Starts to curse. He gives God the ol’ What-For!

And yet, he lives. He lives. He lives … and tears flow down his face. He had to get rid of all the crud in his heart. He did. And now it becomes clearer: the air, the stars, the moon, his mom … God. The Lord of Mercy. He sees the Lord of Mercy.


Jonah?

He lives. But he claims he wants to die. At his pouting place east of the city, he sits. There, God causes a plant to grow over him – basking him in cool shade. Jonah was glad; but, the worm ate it. The plant gone, Jonah is ticked again. God asks if Jonah has good reason to be mad over a one day plant. Jonah (God bless him) says: “Yeah! Mad enough to die!”

We laugh. Who wouldn’t? We laugh at things that contain a grain of truth. We can’t help but see ourselves in this reluctant angry prophet of the Lord. Stub your toe – curse and have a bad day. In the wrong lane at the supermarket for 20 minutes? Begin to hate your neighbor. Gossip, lose your friends; lose your friends, gossip more. Hate … it’s a big thing grown from a trifle of seed.

“What? You’re angry over the pant that you never planted? It was here for only one day … and you’re mad enough to die?! For crying out loud, Jonah! Nineveh, that great city – with a whole bunch of cattle and over 120,000 souls … I should smite them with impetuous anger such as yours?”

“Do you believe that I can do this?” The Lord always asks us this sort of question. We have no problem believing in the Lord’s destructive powers. Yet, when it comes to qualities such as “merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love,” we create God in our own image. We, like Jonah, want God to be wrathful and quick! “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord” – but, could you please hurry up?!

And this God will have none of that!

“Do you believe that I can do this?” The same question, yet the scenery has changed. It is no longer Nineveh, Los Angeles, or even small town USA. It’s the Gates … and there’s but one question.

Therese of Lisieux said that when she got to the day of Judgment, if God looked at her and said, “Away from me you wicked and undeserving servant – away from Me to eternal hell fire!” she would not cry.

But, if God Almighty opened His arms and lovingly welcomed her into His Kingdom … then … Then, she would cry.

For …

The men of Nineveh will arise at the judgment with this generation and condemn it; for they repented at the preaching of Jonah, and behold, something greater than Jonah is here!

The Lord of Mercy.

Nineveh, Jonah, America, you and me – at the very Gates of Repentance ...

One question: “Do you believe that I can do this?”


Image of the Prophet Jonah taken from St Demetrios Greek Orthodox Church.

Sources: The Book of Jonah, Matthew 9:27 ff, icons and a mirror.

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Sunday, December 02, 2007

 

Judas, Judas, Judas ... Do Ya Love Me?

The following snippet of an Op-Ed piece on the "Gospel of Judas" by April D. DeConick, a professor of Biblical studies at Rice University, speaks volumes about our current situation. In an age of instant gratification, scholarship is often out the window in favor of the quick fix (fix as in a fixed fight). Yet, it's times like these that encourage good parenting. You know, where you, as parent, have to hold to the truth -- even when continually challenged by those less mature (e.g., your children). In other words, "Judas! Go to your room!"

I'm thankful that Dr DeConick is mature enough to present the Gospel Truth.

AMID much publicity last year, the National Geographic Society announced that a lost 3rd-century religious text had been found, the Gospel of Judas Iscariot. The shocker: Judas didn’t betray Jesus. Instead, Jesus asked Judas, his most trusted and beloved disciple, to hand him over to be killed. Judas’s reward? Ascent to heaven and exaltation above the other disciples.

It was a great story. Unfortunately, after re-translating the society’s transcription of the Coptic text, I have found that the actual meaning is vastly different. While National Geographic’s translation supported the provocative interpretation of Judas as a hero, a more careful reading makes clear that Judas is not only no hero, he is a demon.

Several of the translation choices made by the society’s scholars fall well outside the commonly accepted practices in the field. For example, in one instance the National Geographic transcription refers to Judas as a “daimon,” which the society’s experts have translated as “spirit.” Actually, the universally accepted word for “spirit” is “pneuma ” — in Gnostic literature “daimon” is always taken to mean “demon.”

Likewise, Judas is not set apart “for” the holy generation, as the National Geographic translation says, he is separated “from” it. He does not receive the mysteries of the kingdom because “it is possible for him to go there.” He receives them because ...

Read it all H E R E.


April D. DeConick, a professor of Biblical studies at Rice University, is the author of “The Thirteenth Apostle: What the Gospel of Judas Really Says.”

Thanks to FWD from Callie.

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Saturday, December 01, 2007

 

Uh He' Come Santa Claus, uh ...

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Right down Santa Claus lane.

Vixen, Blitzen, all his reindeer
Pulling on the reins.
Bells are ringing, children singing,
All is merry and bright.
Hang your stockings and say a prayer,
'cause Santa Claus comes tonight.


Sorry – I never said I could sing and I certainly don’t expect Elvis’s Christmas tunes when I listen to Ancient Faith Radio (thanks God)!

But, this time of year? Ya just never know what you might hear … get … or especially read.

Sometime ago, within our lifetime, we entered the great American Debate about SantaMass … er, uh: Christmas.

And we Orthodox – especially American Converts – can be some of the most cantankerous offenders of holiday cheer! But more on that later …

First, a little more Elvis:

Ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doopa ...

He's got a bag that's filled with toys
For boys and girls again.
Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle,
What a beautiful sight.
Jump in bed and cover up your head,
Because Santa Claus comes tonight.

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Riding down Santa Claus lane.

He doesn't care if you're a rich or poor boy,
He loves you just the same.
Santa knows that we're god's children,
That makes everything right.
Fill your hears with Christmas cheer,
'cause Santa Claus comes tonight.

Well, here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Riding down Santa Claus lane.

He'll come around when the chimes ring out
It's Christmas morn again.
Peace on earth will come to all
If we just follow the light
Let's give thanks to the lord above,
'cause Santa Claus comes tonight.

Now, believe me … I know it sounds kinda un-Orthodox … but, well … What DO you do around this time of year?

Tune to the Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

I know, I know. I'm an Orthodox priest and there are others of my stripe -- even my pal, Frederica -- who hold a contrary view of the man. But try as I might, I can't ... I won't, I say! ... let go.

I still have a visceral reaction when I see a "good Santa" -- you know, the one with a real beard, real gut, real red cheeks, real joy. You know, real. I can't help it. It gives me hope. I become a kid again. The kid with memories that, I guess, can't be proved. You know, real memories.

Image courtesy of Santa (age 6).

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