ORTHODIXIE ... Southern, Orthodox, Convert, Etc.

Anthony Esolen, over at TOUCHSTONE's Mere Comments, has posted some dating rules. Here's a few; feel free to add a few of your own (here or there).

13. Never marry a woman who does not laugh at your jokes or your buffoonery. That is one of the nicest ways in which men "serve" women, and women respond by taking delight in the antics. That is why God made impersonators of Marlon Brando, Sean Connery, and Homer Simpson. It may in fact be the principal justification for the existence of Marlon Brando, Sean Connery, and Homer Simpson. This rule is simply an instance of the more general rule that you should never marry a woman who does not genuinely admire you, nor should a woman marry a man whom she does not admire.

15. Never marry a man who is not admired by respectable male friends. The people in the world who know a man best are the men he works and plays with. They know well if he is a cheat, a thug, a loser. You may marry a man who does not have female friends. If anything, you should be suspicious of a man whose friends are principally female. The men may be avoiding him, and there is a reason for that.

16. Never marry anyone who is not interested in looking at your fourth-grade yearbook. This means: never marry anyone who seems unaware that he or she is marrying also a family, a hometown, a past, silly friends, comedies and tragedies. Never marry anyone who does not want to meet your father and mother. If your sister doesn't like him, dump him. If your sister doesn't like her, dump her. That is why God created sisters. Their approval, however, is not a sufficient condition; they will occasionally like losers, but they almost never detest good marrying material.

[One commenter wrote: "Conversely, never marry anybody who INSISTS on looking at your fourth grade year book. There are some things you simply don't want others to know."]

17. Never marry a feminist of either sex. That would be as bad as marrying someone with the soul (not the occupation, but the soul) of a lawyer.

The whole list.

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When someone asks you how Orthodoxy is different than their own brand of Christianity, just say:

“Oh, Orthodoxy’s a lot harder than whatever it is you do.”

What? You gave up potato chips for Lent?

Try Meat, Dairy & Oil!

Your church service lasts 50 minutes?

We go for over 2 hours!

Oh yeah, so you’ve had trouble reading the whole Bible?

Well you oughta see ours -- it’s even bigger!

You fasted 3 days to fit into your wedding dress?

We fasted 50 days just to eat a red egg!

Well, you get the picture.

But, face it ...


The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

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In an article posted here, Patriarch Bartholomew is quoted as saying (to the Plenary Assembly of the European Parliament): "We are all brothers and sisters with one heavenly Father and on this beautiful planet, which we are all responsible for, there is room for everyone."

Maybe it's just me (at least some may say), but is this sentence, spoken to a secular gathering, Orth correct?
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Wealth is not a possession, it is not property. It is a loan for use. Those things only are our own, which we have sent before us to the other world … only the virtues of the soul are properly our own.

-- St John Chrysostom

Thanks to Fr Josiah Trenham.
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I stole this from Deacon Raphael's site. It is absolutely unbearable. (Watch it at least to the "Zap" part.)

Forgive me.

(Warning: You may need counseling.)
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This photo is courtesy of Houston seminarian Michael Sakran who currently hangs out at St Vlad's (when he's not learning humility here).

Fr John Peck recently published an article that has now been sent to me by a Roman Catholic layman, an Orthodox priest and a bishop. Rod Dreher has even commented on it over at BeliefNet.

Here's the article. (UPDATE: The article has been removed by the author. I have a copy but, given its removal, shall refrain from reposting or commenting at this time.)

The Orthodox Church in America shall soon, God willing, choose a new Metropolitan.*

[* When I was in seminary our Liturgics professor said, "When you have your ordination invitations printed, don't put on there 'God willing' ... I mean, the bishop's gonna ordain you!" We understood his point. Forgive me.]

God willing -- and I mean that -- this will bring one chapter to a close (the one with the pink elephant in the room) and hasten toward a new chapter (the one with a beacon on a hill). However, in my magnificently unworthy opinion, I don't believe the page will be turned unless the OCA looks outside of itself for leadership. I mean, in a big-O church, why settle for the longest straw in a tiny pile? Narrow vision, blinded by good-ol-boy loyalty, won't get you very far. That should be a closed book, not one that just needs editing.
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WICHITA - If you've driven past St. George Orthodox Christian Cathedral lately, you might have noticed some work going on. However, if you actually stop and take a look, you'll notice this is no ordinary face lift.

"It's a tremendous sense of joy for us to see these installed," Father Paul O'Callaghan said.

For the church these mosaics are an 18 year dream.

"It really proclaims our faith and our belief in a really brilliant and visual way," Father O'Callaghan said.

To make the mosaics a reality, the church had to look thousands of miles away to the Tuscany region of Italy ...

Here's the news story.

Better yet, here's the newsreel.

Thanks to FWD from Fr Josiah Trenham.
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Back in 2005, my family and I moved from our native North Carolina to Houston. My son, who was 7 at the time, was not excited about moving to Houston. He'd heard they had hurricanes. Fr John Salem, the priest at St George, encouraged me to tell him that it had been a long, long time since a hurricane had hit Houston. Not to worry.

That’s what I did. I’d also found a house for us to live in with a pool. The latter was enough to pump the boy up: Hurricane, pool, pool, hurricane. The pool easily won.

So, we moved. We spent our first few nights in the new digs on the floor, in sleeping bags. There wasn't a hotel room in the vicinity thanks to the infamous Katrina [which hit New Orleans on August 29th, 2005]. By Tuesday morning folks were already talking about approaching weather. Thus, I had to have a serious parental talk with my children, especially Basil. “Sometimes hurricanes do hit Houston.” But, I assured them (as parents are wont to do), “We'll get through it.”

Before I get too carried away talking about Hurricane Rita in the summer of ’05, let’s Fast Fwd to just last week.

Wait. Make that 3 weeks ago -- with the approach of Hurricane Gustav (which ended up turning toward New Orleans) …

Which now brings us up to the now infamous Hurricane Ike.

But, wait! I can’t even start there.

The day before we welcomed Ike to Houston, the nation remembered the tragic events of 9/11 -- 7 years earlier. In reality, of course, that event was at least a hundred years ago.

Right?

* * *

Have you ever seen the sky turn green?

How 'bout orange?

How bout green and orange … over and over … again and again ... and trees lay down under 100 mph winds only to pop back up again, flinging their branches dry … only to repeat the aerobics over and over, again and again.

I know. I’m starting to sound melodramatic. Forgive me. There’s just no way to do justice to a hurricane on the radio. It’s a visual thing.

* * *

Watching Hurricane Ike beat up on the trees in my back yard, watching the sky turn green and orange, hearing nature make sounds that are indescribable and still undefined …

That part was magnificent.

The next day, as I related the awesomeness of it all, my kids asked:“Why didn’t you get us up?”

I’d thought about it, but ...


The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.
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Fr Serge Veselinovich, of Ss Constantine & Helen Serbian Orthodox Church, is hosting a blogsite hoping for information from Orthodox folks in the Galveston area.

"Fr. Serge and Christopher Bolan emptied out the church on Friday, September 12th at 4:00 pm. All liturgical items, vestments, church records, icons, etc. have been removed and are being housed in a safe location. The only thing, unfortunately, that was not taken out of the church were the icons on the iconostas."

If you have heard from parishioners from the following churches, please post information regarding their status (to this site):

Sts. Constantine & Helen Serbian Orthodox Church
4109 Avenue L
Galveston, TX 77552

Holy Assumption Greek Orthodox Church
1824 Ball
Galveston, TX 77550

Galveston Orthodox
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Since regaining the Internet, I've been wanting to post pics of Hurricane Ike's "art work." Alas, the storm must have slowed DSL service (or some such), I cannot upload pics to Blogger. It's just as well, with all the images of total destruction coming from the East Texas Coast my daughter's shots of jumbled suburbia could seem petty.

There was still no power at the church yesterday, so I decided to make some hospital calls. Gosh. Getting around Houston's streets sans stoplights, among a million others, with a fuel shortage -- E. T. C. -- was taxing.

Then, I got to my first hospital stop. They had no power and were operating on generators. All entryways were locked except for the Emergency Room. In other words, everyone had to check in with the same personnel. The ER was packed, as it was doubling as the hospital's Waiting Room. By virtue of my apparel I was allowed to visit a parishioner. First, they banded my wrist with an info tag, my name and the patient's name and room number. As I made my way toward the ICU, I noticed hospital furniture all pushed together, seemingly at random; I had to go around sections that were taped off because, I assumed, of water damage. There were portable rotary fans everywhere and noticeably less blinking lights on hospital gadgets. Imagine lots of high tech equipment, everywhere ... mostly dormant.

A couple of the registration gals said that when they saw me come in they thought I might have come for one of the families who'd just left. They'd had someone to die; it was traumatic. As I looked around at the wounded and the waiting, I understood what they meant. Here, in this one big holding tank, a family had learned that their loved one was gone. Under normal (modern) conditions, there's special waiting rooms out by the ICU where information, and grief, such as this is shared. Here, after Ike, it was all on display. Raw.

My next call was at Hospice. They, too, were on generators; their elevators were out. It was quiet.

It was quiet.
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Just an FYI for those who have tried to call or email: Our family is fine; fence sections and large branches down around the yard -- but, thanks God, all is well.

My cell service is sporadic (even spasmodic), home phone is out of commission.

By your prayers --
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O Lord Jesus Christ

As you saved your apostles from perishing in a storm by calming wind and waves on your command, so now keep us safe and sound in this hurricane season. Grant us favorable and benign weather. Protect us from the unpredictable elements of nature. Steer us from storm, flood, fire, illness, injury, disaster and sudden death. Preserve us from all evil and harm for we, though sinful, are nonetheless the work of Your hands. And You together with your Father who has no beginning and Your all holy good and life giving Spirit are our God in whom we live, move, and have being. Now and ever and unto ages and ages. Amen.

Most Holy Theotokos ...

Seeing how your holy and powerful maternal intercessions and safe haven for the storm tossed, count us worthy of your prayers during this season of uncertain and threatening weather. Beg your divine human Son to grant us mercy, forgiveness, health, safety and salvation over the coming months. For He is sure to listen to you, His mother, the woman whom all generations call blessed. Amen.

All Holy Prophet Elias ...

As the Lord gave you control over droughts and rainfall to prove His power to the wayward and unbelieving, plead with Him to keep stormy weather, heavy rains and destructive winds away from us. Help us with your heavenly intercessions for we know the prayer of a righteous man like you is powerful and effective as God is wondrous in His Saints. Amen.

Holy Father Herman of Alaska ...

While you were alive on Earth, your prayers kept your spiritual children safe from tidal surge and forest fire and after your death your heavenly intercessions calmed stormy seas saving Saintly Bishop Innocent from peril. Do not less for us in your fatherly love for your adopted land. Implore your Master to safeguard for us from such dangers too for we know God is wondrous in his Saints. Amen.

Holy St John of San Francisco ...

During your earthly sojourn in the Philippines, your prayers kept typhoons at bay from your flock. Brace us living in the land where your wonder working relics rest with your heavenly intercessions as well. Appeal to the Ruler of All for our reprieve from such hazard and menace. For we know God is wondrous in his Saints. Amen.

Thanks to Fr Don Shadid & FWD from Bishop Thomas.
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O almighty and everlasting Father, King of kings and Lord of lords, Thou Who art the unfailing Protection of the faithful and the sure Hope of all who trust in Thee: As we mourn the sudden violence and deaths occasioned by the evil and barbarous attacks on our nation of September 11th, 2001 and celebrate the selfless heroism of the first-responders, we humbly beseech Thee to reveal unto us the immense power of Thine own goodness. Come swiftly to our aid, and have mercy upon all who call upon Thee. In Thy boundless compassion do Thou comfort those who mourn this day, bestow healing of body and soul to the survivors, and grant blessed repose in the bosom of Abraham to the souls of those departed this life. Vouchsafe unto us that peace which passeth all understanding that we may ascribe glory and thanksgiving unto Thee, together with Thine only-begotten Son and Thine all-holy and good and life-giving Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

IMAGE: St Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church minutes before it was crushed by the collapse of Two World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001.

Courtesy of His Grace, Bishop BASIL, and the Clergy Brotherhood memo of 9/11/2008.
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Those who live in the Houston area are invited to join us for Family Nights at St George Orthodox Church beginning tonight, September 10th. We have Daily Vespers at 6:30, followed by Christian Education for all ages. I will be teaching introduction to Orthodoxy (for seekers, catechumens, and others) using The Truth of Our Faith by Elder Cleopa of Romania. [Other classes offered are listed below the image.]
All are welcome!

Here's a video featuring the Elder:



Adult Education with Dr. Adnan Trabulsi, noted author, translator, and theologian. This class will focus on various aspects of Orthodox Life and Culture.
All are welcome!

Byzantine Music 101 - with Fr. John Salem will cover basic responses to the Liturgical services, and hymns from Vespers, Orthros, and Divine Liturgy.
All are welcome!

Teens - will meet with our Youth Director, Paul Fuller, about issues pertaining specifically to our youth.

Youth & Pre-Teen Education (ages 5-12) - will be learning through games, crafts & song.

Baby Sitting will be provided for children under the age of 5.

Classes will run from September 10th thru December 3rd; no class on November 26th – Thanksgiving Break.

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Larry Nevell was driving pretty well for a blind man. “Frrrrrrrrp” meant he was too close to danger on his right. “Fudup, fudup, fudup” meant he was straddling the center line. Silence indicated smooth sailing.

He’d had trouble finding the car without drawing attention. The “bwwap, bwwap, bwwap” from the third button in the middle of the key’s remote seemed loud and incessant. The car was over to his left, down about 20 fenders. As planned, he’d left his cane and eye wear in his brief case and pulled his ball cap down over his eyes to avoid being noticed. At first he’d worried that finding the vehicle would pose the greatest challenge. It proved to be only the first of many.

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen … he let his right hand brush past each auto. He had to be getting close. Tapping the middle button one more time, “bwwap,” proved sufficient. Thank God for remote keys!

He was shaking as he sat behind the wheel. Blind from birth, he’d had lots of experience sitting behind the steering wheel, playing. It would take the fingers of both hands to recount the car batteries he’d drained to listen to the radio. He knew every announcer, every song. He’d even memorized commercials over the past 16 years. Now, on his 21st birthday, he was finally going to take the car for a spin. Scared and excited, he wondered how it might end ...

First he drove down to the car wash. It was only one block from his dad’s favorite parking spot. Down the hill, to the left; he drove extremely slowly. If he bumped someone, it would not really matter. Turning left over the small entry road proved no trouble. Besides, from the gentle clicking noise, he knew that he’d engaged the flashing emergency lights.

The entry to the car wash was, as he’d suspected, idiot proof. You’d have thought the designers had the blind in mind during construction: narrow curbing, sensory activated, automated voices, bells and whistles. Dad liked a clean car and Larry knew all the sounds by heart. Having activated the machinery with his dad’s code, Larry sat back and enjoyed the whirring and whooshing amid the flip, flap, and drizzle ...

“Ding!” As the car wash ended, Larry was exhausted. Less than thirty minutes into his big tour, he needed some rest. He eased back onto the service road and headed down to the gas station on the right ...

This week, a page right out of One Flew Over the Onion Dome ...

The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

Signed copies of One Flew Over the Onion Dome available from the PayPal buttons in the side margin.
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Alert news (and blog) reader, Kim, sent me this story, saying: "Don't these people know that Transfiguration and the blessing of the grapes was last month?"

ARLINGTON, Texas -- An Arlington woman said she has discovered a grape that bears a figure resembling the Virgin Mary.

Becky Ginn, 24, says she is a Baptist.

"I thought this stuff just happened to Catholics?" she said. "Mom and I had a laugh about it at first, seeing as how we're Baptists and all and we generally don't expect to see holy people popping up in our foodstuffs."

Ginn posted a photo of the grape to her LiveJournal page and …

Here's the story.

No word yet from Grape Elders --
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SYOSSET, NY [OCA Communications] -- The Holy Synod of Bishops of the Orthodox Church in America, meeting at the OCA Chancery in Oyster Bay Cove, NY, on Thursday, September 4, 2008, issued the following statement.

“On September 4, 2008, The Holy Synod of Bishops received a letter from His Beatitude, Metropolitan HERMAN. In this letter, His Beatitude asks for Retirement, effective immediately, 'in the best interests of The Orthodox Church in America, and taking into consideration the current condition of my health.'

“Effective this date, The Holy Synod of Bishops grants His Beatitude’s request to retire from the Office of Metropolitan of All America and Canada of the Orthodox Church in America.

“The Holy Synod of Bishops resolves that, in retirement, the title will be ‘Former Archbishop of Washington, Metropolitan of All America and Canada.’

“The Holy Synod of Bishops expresses to His Beatitude, Metropolitan HERMAN, their fraternal love and gratitude for his primatial service and archpastoral labors.

“The Holy Synod of Bishops resolves that His Eminence, DMITRI, Archbishop of Dallas and the South, be Locum tenens of The Orthodox Church in America. In liturgical commemorations, he is to be commemorated as ‘His Eminence, DMITRI, Locum tenens of The Orthodox Church in America.’”

UPDATE: The OCA has since revised the commemoration.
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Life is not a party, as some people think, and after they get married take a fall from heaven to earth. Marriage is a vast ocean, and you don’t know where it will wash you up … It is an adulteration of marriage for us to think that it is a road to happiness, as if it were a denial of the cross. The joy of marriage is for husband and wife to put their shoulders to the wheel and together go forward on the uphill road of life. "You haven’t suffered? Then you haven’t loved," says a certain poet. Only those who suffer can really love. And that’s why sadness is a necessary feature of marriage. "Marriage," in the words of an ancient philosopher, "is a world made beautiful by hope, and strengthened by misfortune."

-- Archimandrite Aimilianos

Taken from Fr Josiah's blog.

Image "1954 Struggle & Growth" source.

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Puente del Rio Ortodoxo - Orthodox Rio Bridges

Orthodox Christian Outreach Missions

Pharr - St. George's Orthodox Church is located in Hidalgo County in South Texas, the second poorest county in the nation, right on the border with Mexico. The Church-sponsored "Orthodox Rio Bridges" or PRO-ORB Outreach ministries is offering several Volunteer Missionary Internship opportunities for young Orthodox Christians during this coming year. Do you have a responsible older teen, college-age or young adult in your family or parish willing to serve Christ and the Church as a short-term missionary internship in South Texas? If so, we could certainly use their help!

Requirements for Consideration:

* Must be an Orthodox Christian in good standing, highly motivated to serve and work for Christ within the Church, either finished with high school studies, or if still being homeschooled, one who can continue their studies here with little or no supervision.

* Must have or have applied for a Valid US Passport or Passport Card.

* Must Provide 3 Letters of Recommendation: 1 from Parents; 1 from Parish Priest; and from 1 Past Employer, Instructor or Volunteer Supervisor.

* A letter or essay from Volunteer Intern Candidate stating why they are interested in this experience, what they feel they can offer to these ministry/outreach projects, and their future life goals.

* Spanish Language Fluency or Familiarity is a huge plus, but is not absolutely mandatory. Willingness to work with Spanish-speaking people is required, however.

* Computer and web site skills helpful but not mandatory.

* If under 18 years of age, Parental Permissions and Signed Medical Release forms required.

* Must be flexible and willing to live in a family setting and help with a wide variety of ministry and community outreach projects both in the USA and in Mexico.

Tentative Time Frames & Major Events/Activities Within Each Season:*

Winter Internship: December 1, 2008 - End of January or Mid-February, 2009

* Assisting at St. George's Food Pantry which serves low-income families in the neighborhood of the Church. Helping pick up food from the Food Bank of the Rio Grande Valley, sort and distribute food and other necessities bi-weekly.

* Preparing for and Assist with Staffing of St. George's Annual International Festival held on St. Nicholas Day - Saturday, December 6th.

* Preparing for and helping Staff the December 27 - January 2nd International Orthodox Winter Service Retreat for Youth and Young Adults. This would include assisting with advance cooking and other preparations, helping staff the event, including St. George's Food Pantry special distribution, Casa Amparo Orphanage for girls in Reynosa, Mexico and much more.

* Possibly accompanying Father Antonio and other family members on an annual Theophany Season trip to Mexico City - taking icons and other liturgical items and visiting churches, missions, the cathedral and a monastery in the Mexico City region.

* Assisting at annual local outreach and fundraising events in February, such as the "Affair of the Heart" and "Pioneer Ranching and Craft Day" at the local history museum (Depending on Departure Date)

Spring Internship: February 2009 - April 10, 2009 (Before Pascha)

* Assisting at St. George's Food Pantry which serves low-income families in the neighborhood of the Church. Helping pick up food from the Food Bank of the Rio Grande Valley, sort and distribute food and other necessities bi-weekly.

* Assisting at annual local outreach and fundraising events in February, such as the "Affair of the Heart" and "Pioneer Ranching and Craft Day" at the local history museum (Depending on Arrival Date)

* Preparing part of Church grounds for a habitat preservation/green space project.

* Preparing for and helping Staff a "Green Break - Spring Break" Orthodox Environmental and Habitat Preservation event tentatively scheduled for the week of March 16 - 21, 2009.

Summer Internship: May 2009 - Mid-July 2009 (Some event dates unknown at present)

* Assisting at St. George's Food Pantry which serves low-income families in the neighborhood of the Church. Helping pick up food from the Food Bank of the Rio Grande Valley, sort and distribute food and other necessities bi-weekly.

* Preparing for and helping Staff a week long "St. Peter the Aleut Orthodox Summer Camp" held in North Texas. Dates to be announced.

* Preparing for and helping Staff a week long missionary trip to Mexico City to help rebuild and renovate an Orthodox Mission Church located in a low-income neighborhood of the City. Dates to be announced.

*During Any of these Volunteer Internships, Other Duties May Include, Among Other Things:

Clerical, Publicity, Administrative and Office Organizational Assistance, Preparing Publications in Spanish, Assisting with Web Site Design and Updates. Assistance at Church-Sponsored Activities, Assisting Pastor with Church Maintenance and Grounds Keeping Activities. Possible visit/s to Orthodox Mission in Monterrey, Mexico. If an Altar Server, assisting Father; if a choir singer, helping sing at liturgical services and much more...

Volunteer Internship Terms and Conditions:

Please apply soon if you are interested. In some instances, beginning and ending dates of internships can be altered. Please inquire regarding possible changes. Because of housing and financial limitations, we can only accept 1 or at the most 2 Volunteer Missionary Interns of the same gender per each season. If a candidate would prefer to stay longer and participate in more than one internship season, we could further discuss that option. In exchange for their service, volunteers will receive free room and board in the home of Fr. Antonio Perdomo and his family. Interns would live with the family and would need to be comfortable participating, along with the family, in church and other activities. At this time, Volunteer interns would receive no salary, stipend, financial recompense, health insurance or other benefits.

If volunteer interns provide their own local transportation, they are welcome to take on part-time paid employment while here. We recommend no more than 15 hours per week, as long as this employment does not interfere with the purpose, responsibilities or time requirements of the internship. All volunteer hours worked will be recorded and credited. A certificate, noting hours of participation, plus a letter of recommendation, will be given upon the well-done completion of any internship term served.

Interns would be responsible for all personal expenses, including medical, while serving here. Interns would be required to cover their own transportation and travel costs to and from South Texas. Internships can be terminated at any time by the Perdomo family, St. George's Church or PRO-ORB if the intern proves to be unsatisfactory for any reason, including poor performance of assigned duties or personal misconduct. We offer interns a valuable, multi-cultural, multi-lingual service experience within an Orthodox Missionary Parish and family setting. Let us know if you have questions or are interested in applying for any of these Volunteer Missionary Internship Terms. For further information, contact us! - Fr Antonio Perdomo [ padreantoniop at aol dot com ] or Matushka Elizabeth Perdomo [ mateliza at aol dot com ].

St George Orthodox Church
Rio Grande Valley of Tropical South Texas
St George Pantry

Matushka Elizabeth Perdomo
and here
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Michael Sakran, former Youth Director at St George, Houston, and all-round good guy, keeps an online journal documenting life at St Vladimir's Orthodox Theological Seminary.

Take a look.

I have no idea who this chap is, but his photos are definitely worth a look!

Besides, he's a Huneycutt.


You just never know what might pop up when using a search engine. I searched for "John Huneycutt" and up popped that image of John Belushi -- Source.
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