ORTHODIXIE ... Southern, Orthodox, Convert, Etc.

The following is timely a repost from 2005.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not opposed to fantasy, games, dress-up, and such. And if you promise not to tell anyone: I've read most everything Stephen King has written. Harry Potter? Used to be opposed, now I've read 'em all.

I'm just not interested in celebrating this feast.

I did as a kid. It was a parent thing. (Hi Mom!) That and, well, a candy thing. When I got older I was confused. One year, honest to goodness, we had a Haunted House IN the church! [Folks, even now I get the willies just recalling it.] Like the Haunted House rides at the Fair, it was more silly than spooky. But, you gotta admit, Wee Erd.

Much has changed since I was a jitter-bug. More people are more kooky. And not all Christian "histories of Halloween" are accurate. [Here's my own collection of lore from ago -- along with its "correction."]

Call me a fundamentalist, but I actually get excited when schools cancel its celebration. Here ... and H E R E.

I used to provide letters to parents asking school administrators to excuse Orthodox kids from Halloween celebrations.

As mentioned in one of the posts linked above, my son really wants to participate in Trick-or-Treat and revels in any and all Halloween decorations. Just the other day he told his 3-year old sister, "Helen ... we don't celebrate Halloween. But, when you get to be a grown-up, you can if you want to. Right, Dad?"

Right ... son.

Okay, so here's the hypocrite part. Back at Nashotah House, there was a legend of the Black Monk. You can read it here. It was our first year in seminary and they were taking all the seminarians' kids on a wagon ride trick-or-treating. I was in my really anti-Halloween twisted phase. We didn't have kids; there was no reason for us to go, but everyone knew my proclivities.

Then something got into me. I remembered a ghoulish mask that I'd packed away in a back closet. We'd used it in some radio gig and, for some reason, I still had it. When I heard the tractor and wagon approaching our apartment on the return trip, I quickly donned a cassock and the hooded mask and went and stood by the road. Motionless. Staring. Those kids screamed their heads off! (My wife couldn't believe what I was doing.)

After they'd passed, I ran into the apartment, de-costumed, and walked down to where all the hub-bub was to bask in my ghoulish glory.

One of the students, a Middler, rushed up to me and said, "That was great! Man! You were awesome!"

Speechless, I just stood and smiled at him. Then he said, "You really got us good when you were standing in the cemetery!"

(Uh, folks ... though I never told him, I didn't go up to the cemetery that night.)

That said, for those interested -- listen to Fr George Morelli's excellent (and gentle) expose on this very non-Orthodox celebration.


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NEW YORK - ­ His All Holiness, Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew gave an audience ... Tuesday, Oct. 27, to the Orthodox Primates of the USA, most of whom were present the previous evening for the Ninth Annual Orthodox Prayer Service for the United Nations Community. Present at the audience were Archbishop Demetrios of America (Greek Orthodox Archdiocese); Metropolitan Philip (Antiochian Orthodox Archdiocese); Metropolitan Christopher (Serbian Orthodox Archdiocese); Metropolitan Nicholas (Carpatho - Russian Diocese); Archbishop Nicolae (Romanian Orthodox Archdiocese); Metropolitan Jonah (Orthodox Church in America), Metropolitan Constantine (Ukrainian Orthodox Church in the USA); Bishop Ilia (Albanian Orthodox Diocese) and Archpriest Alexander Abramov (Representation of the Moscow Patriarchate in the USA). Archbishop Demetrios welcomed His All Holiness on behalf of the Primates.

The remarks of His All Holiness follow:

"We bring to you the greeting, the blessing, and the love of the Apostolic, Patriarchal and Ecumenical Throne of the First-Called Andrew, and we express as well our appreciation to the Most Reverend Chairman of the Standing Conference of the Canonical Orthodox Bishops in the Americas, His Eminence Archbishop Demetrios of America, for bringing you together today so that we may have this opportunity for fellowship in the Holy Spirit and for a dialogue of love.

For nearly fifty years, the Standing Conference has served as a place for the Primates of the various jurisdictions that are present in North America to gather and discuss common concerns and issues. Also, through the many agencies that have been formed under your aegis, you have been able to activate pan-Orthodox ministries that extend beyond the confines of your particular Churches, so that your united effort might be brought to bear in common interests.

The success of SCOBA has always been based in the true sense of cooperation, of synergy, between the Orthodox ecclesiastical entities here in North America. You have been successful at providing a common witness to all the Orthodox Faithful, even as you have maintained your ties to the Mother Churches and sought to establish yourselves in the countries and culture within which you live.

Nevertheless, SCOBA has always been an organization that lacks authorization from the Mother Churches, being a self-started and volunteer body. This reality reflects both strengths and weaknesses ­ strengths in that SCOBA was free to find creative solutions to issues and problems, without seeking approval from a higher authority ­ and weaknesses, because without authorization from the Mother Churches, there has been no methodology to effectuate decisions and policies that prepare for the future.

Given these considerations, it was logical for the status quo to evolve, as it did at the Synaxis of the Heads of the universally recognized Autocephalous Churches last October at the Ecumenical Patriarchate. At that time, the common will of the universally recognized Autocephalous was
expressed as follows:

As Primates and the Representatives of the Most Holy Orthodox Churches, fully aware of the gravity of the aforementioned problems, and laboring to confront them directly as 'servants of Christ and stewards of God's mysteries' (1 Cor. 4:1), we proclaim from this See of the First-throne among the Churches and we re-affirm:

1) our unswerving position and obligation to safeguard the unity of the Orthodox Church in 'the faith once for all delivered to the saints' (Jude 3), the faith of our Fathers, in the common Divine Eucharist and in the faithful observance of the canonical system of Church governance by settling any problems that arise from time to time in relations among us with a spirit of love and peace.

2) our desire for the swift healing of every canonical anomaly that has arisen from historical circumstances and pastoral requirements, such as in the so-called Orthodox Diaspora, with a view to overcoming every possible influence that is foreign to Orthodox ecclesiology. In this respect we welcome the proposal by the Ecumenical Patriarchate to convene Panorthodox
Consultations within the coming year 2009 on this subject, as well as for the continuation of preparations for the Holy and Great Council.

As you all know and are well aware, the Fourth Pre-Conciliar Pan-Orthodox Conference did take place in June of this year, at the Center of the Ecumenical Patriarchate in Chambésy, Switzerland. The Decision, and the Regulations promulgated by the Pre-Conciliar Conference establish a modus operandi by which the Bishops, in the regions of the world defined by the Conference, may progress institutionally toward the solutions that we all seek in the forthcoming Great and Holy Council.

This is not to say that there will not be difficulties along the way. The region defined for this portion of the Western Hemisphere is quite extensive, including Spanish-speaking Mexico and Central America, together with the rest of Anglophone and Francophone North America. There are many bishops who have never been represented in SCOBA, and who will now participate through their Mother Churches in the Assembly of Bishops. There are also the issues of so-called 'autonomies' and 'autocephalies' that are not recognized by the Church Universal, and for which solutions must be found in order allow for full participation on every level in the processes of the Assembly of Bishops. All of the issues and problems that require resolution first require willing hearts and minds, study and careful consideration, and the unfailing loving application of the canonical tradition of out Holy Orthodox Church.

As the convener of the Pan-Orthodox world, the Ecumenical Patriarchate stands ready to be of assistance through guidance and an ongoing dialogue based in the truth of Gospel. We welcome positive suggestions and, as it said in our modern world, 'thinking outside the box,' so that we may construct models of ecclesiastical polity and governance with foundations sunk deep in the venerable tradition of our One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church ­ and at the same time are relevant to the spiritual needs and societal conventions of the world within which our faithful live.

Here, we do not reference compromise nor conformity to the world, but, following the exhortation of the Holy Apostle Paul ­ that we be 'transformed by the renewing of our minds,' we speak of transformative and transformational models that are faithful to the history of the Church, for this history is that of the Holy Spirit Who infuses and guides the Church in every generation ­ in times of weakness and in times of strength, in times of persecution and in times of triumph, in times war and in times of peace. And in whatever time the Church finds her incarnate presence through the grace, operation and inspiration of the Holy Spirit, we know that the Church lives in accordance with the Apostle's injunction: 'that everything be done decently and in good order.'

Therefore, beloved brothers in the Lord, let the order of the Church be observed perfectly among you, beginning and ending always with the commandment ­ new and divine ­ that we have received from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ: Love one another. Everything else that we attempt ­ even with all our skill and might ­ will come to naught if love does not reign supreme among us all. With these words we leave each of you with our Patriarchal and paternal blessing, invoking upon you the grace of God and His infinite mercy."

Following the remarks of His All Holiness, there was an exchange of gifts, including a presentation by Metropolitan Philip of an engolpion (Episcopal medallion) with the icon of Sts. Peter and Paul. The Ecumenical Patriarch presented gifts to all the Members, and departed the meeting. Metropolitan Emmanuel of France, accompanying the Ecumenical Patriarch throughout America and who is the Chairman of the already functioning Episcopal Assembly of France (Inter-Episcopal Committee from 1967 and full Episcopal Assembly since 1997), remained to engage in a brief dialogue with the Members.

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Mother Maria Skobtsova, a martyr of the Nazi concentration camps, and an early 20th century intellectual and nun, wrote an insightful essay entitled, “Types of Religious Life.” In it she articulates five ways of being religious: the synodal, the ritualist, the aesthetical, the ascetical as well the ideal way, the evangelical (or “way of the Gospel.”).

While it is easy to point fingers and categorize certain churches or groups as this or that, what’s really interesting (and frightening!) is how easily I (*) seem to fall in these inaccurate and perilous ways of thinking about the Church.

Synodal. While really based on what she experienced of the émigré Russian Church, in its use of the Church to promote ethnic heritage and political ideals, it’s a potential trap for all of us, myself included, convert that I am. Anytime I see the Church as an institution, or as a way of conserving the past, I fall victim to this thinking.

The Ritualist. Mother Maria, calls this way “a type of magic,” and she is totally correct. We can get the idea that God’s grace is based upon our carefully exacting the right formula of rubric and spoken word. I have often fallen into this mire as I encountered first the Canons, and then the Typica, using my new knowledge to prove how “Orthodox” I was and taking the opportunity to judge bishop, priests, and whole churches, because of their inexact ways of “performing” the services.

The Aesthetical. Once again, I shamefully acknowledge my participation in this way of thinking. The beauty of the Divine Liturgy was what initially attracted me to the Orthodox Church. But to get so caught up in how the choir and/or chanting sounds, how the altar boys move and how the lighting is set, is to forget why we are there in the first place.

The Ascetical. Suffering is a huge part of our Christian faith. Jesus says, “Take up you cross and follow me.” And indeed the Church honors those who have done so, down to our present age. But the problem with (and evidently so many others, else Mother Maria would not be addressing the problem) ... is that our suffering, our struggle…becomes a self-centered exercise. It is not a struggle out of love for God and fellow Man. It’s a struggle for my own salvation. I think the distinction is difficult to articulate, yet I can and do feel it in my own manner of living.

The Evangelical (Gospel) Way. Finally, Mother Maria turns to the true way to look at the Church; the true way to live. As St. Paul says, “It is no longer I who live but Christ,” so too, the Christian way is to live as Christ did, in a way that goes beyond “What would Jesus do?” Christ gave us two commandments to live by -- that we should love God, and love our neighbor. These must be the criteria by which we judge all that we do. Its fine that other things happen at church; culture is preserved, social opportunities occur, etc. But if the heart of what we do is not about loving God and our neighbor, then our music is as tinkling brass, our icons are pretty pictures, and our prayers are hot air.

* I totally stole this entire post, and pic, from Deacon Raphael (he is the "first person" speaking above).

There's also more here.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the hour is late. The biotechnocracy is coming upon us, ready to sweep aside the last remnants of a truly human community. One thing that has confirmed me in my adherence to Roman Catholicism is that, virtually alone for many years, and still virtually alone for some issues, Rome has stood against the reduction of human sexuality to will, even the will of faithful spouses. Because of the separation of grace from the rationally discoverable natural law (I know, not in Hooker, but in Ockham and in the late medieval pietists of the devotio moderna, even in Thomas a Kempis), we now have Christians making embryos in petri dishes, and leaving us almost no wherewithal to oppose the deliberate cobbling together of genes to produce babies according to our specifications. Once that happens, goodbye any chance for a resurgence of Christian civilization -- not until such a monstrosity destroys itself, anyway. I hope I do not live to see that filthy advent.

So let us on both sides stop the shouting. I would appreciate it most deeply to hear from my fellow Christians of the Protestant persuasion that they are sorry to have tagged abortion as a "Roman" issue for so long -- until Frank Schaeffer woke them up, after precious years were lost, not to mention precious lives. I for my part am perfectly willing to concede the worldliness and downright wickedness of Alexander VI and some of his predecessors; affirming at the same time, however, that we have not had a wicked man in the papal chair since Trent; and that plenty of Roman cardinals (Reginald Pole was one) at Trent had sympathies with the reformers. They had legitimate complaints ...

Might we all agree that what separated a Luther from an Ignatius of Loyola, each with a profound sense of our utter dependance upon God's grace for the least deed of merit we can perform (however one wants to define that merit, or explain it theologically), or a Melanchthon from a Pius V, is as nothing compared with what separates all of those battlers on the issue of grace from the Pelagians who complacently fill up our pews, in all our churches?

One last thing, whether some of the interlocutors here like it or not. I'm a committed Christian. Jesus is my savior. No answer besides Jesus can be given to any of the great questions in this universe. I can do absolutely nothing of merit on my own, without Jesus; and I don't mean that I do half of a good thing while He supplies the other half, either. Now you all who believe in Scripture are my compatriots in the battle. I may grumble that you take insufficient stock of the Church fathers and of the natural law. You may bemoan the fact, as you see it (for of course I don't see it that way, or I would not be Catholic) that I accept unwarranted additions to Scripture. But whether we like it or not, the battle is here, the trenches are dug, and our rifles had damned well better be pointed in the same direction. And here we bicker -- to quote Milton, "As if we had not foes enow besides, That day and night for our destruction wait."

A comment from Dr Anthony Esolen -- here -- stolen from this site.
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At the risk of never being assigned to chauffeur bishops again -- or worse! -- I must admit to having done it once.

Ladies and Gentlemen, recently, I had the blessing of driving three hierarchs from their hotel to another hotel for dinner. I sat with two bishops at dinner, drove another to the airport the following day, spent time dining and serving with 3 more during hierarchical liturgy, and had a nice repast with the metropolitan following a baptism.

My hierarchical experience began at home, where I had to decide which shoes to wear. I know, it sounds odd to hear a man, a clergyman, saying such a thing. But, you see, I normally wear Birkenstock shoes -- like sandals, just covered -- with a side buckle. But, with the Metropolitan in town, dinner at fine hotel and all, I remembered the old Johnston & Murphys languishing in my closet.

I got ‘em out, shined ‘em up, and, much to the dismay of my Birk-freedom-loving toes, put 'em on.

Snazzy!

I headed out the door a full 40 minutes early for, what would normally be, only a 15 minute drive ...


The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

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As part of our pastoral discussions we talked about the need for parishioners to confess as a rule to their own parish priests, and only with a specific blessing to confess to other priests. This is especially important given the propensity for some clerics outside the Russian Church to employ the canons as a cold rule of law rather than as a pastoral guideline applied with love. This has led in some instances to parishioners being given lengthy penances of excommunication for sins that have been confessed previously with little or no penance from their own parish priest. Further, we strongly call upon our flock to confess on Saturday evenings or eves of feasts, and only to confess on Sunday mornings or feast days before the Divine Liturgy in extreme circumstances.

Hear, hear! ... and more here.
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Church Plans To Burn Bibles, Christian Books
Pastor Says Burning Meant To Light A Fire Under True Believers



My friend, Constantine, sent me this story. Click the link, below, to view the TV news clip.

CANTON, N.C. -- A North Carolina pastor says his church plans to burn Bibles and books by Christian authors on Halloween to light a fire under true believers.

Pastor Marc Grizzard told Asheville TV station WLOS that the King James version of the Bible is the only one his small western North Carolina church follows. He says all other versions, such as the Living Bible, are "satanic" and "perversions" of God's word.

On Halloween night, Grizzard and the 14 members of the Amazing Grace Baptist Church also will burn music and books by Christian authors, such as Billy Graham and Rick Warren.

Telephone calls to the Amazing Grace Baptist Church and Grizzard's home were not immediately returned Wednesday.

Click the source -- here -- to view the TV news clip.
(Yes, verily verily, you really should.)
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On October 18th, following the Antiochian Synod of Bishops meeting (10/16) and the meeting of the Board of Trustees for the Antiochian Orthodox Christian Archdiocese (10/17), Hierarchical Liturgy was served at St George Church; in addition to visiting priests and deacons, three hierarchs celebrated: Metropolitan PHILIP, Bishop ANTOUN, and Bishop ALEXANDER.

Listen to the Hierarchical Liturgy here.

Here's some pics, thanks to Hatem Khalaf, taken during the service ...




Metropolitan PHILIP, Bishop ANTOUN, and Bishop ALEXANDER bless the faithful with the dikirion and trikirion.


October is Youth Month; this youth is my favorite oldest daughter.


Bishop ANTOUN blesses the Epistle readers.


The Metropolitan delivers the homily.


The Great Entrance.


"Let us lift up our hearts!"


CHOIR: "We lift them up unto the Lord!"



The communion of the faithful (L to R: Fr Joseph Purpura, Fr Joseph Shahda, Bishop ALEXANDER, Fr Joseph Huneycutt).


Bishop ALEXANDER distributing the Holy Gifts.
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The Vatican has announced that Pope Benedict is setting up special provision for Anglicans, including married clergy, who want to convert to Rome together, preserving aspects of Anglican liturgy. They will be given their own pastoral supervision, according to this press release from the Vatican:

“In this Apostolic Constitution the Holy Father has introduced a canonical structure that provides for such corporate reunion by establishing Personal Ordinariates which will allow former Anglicans to enter full communion with the Catholic Church while preserving elements of the distinctive Anglican spiritual and liturgical patrimony.”

More on this very important story later. But this is clearly a historic gesture by Pope Benedict which will encourage thousands of disaffected Anglicans to become Roman Catholics.

UPDATE: Bill Murchison, over at TOUCHSTONE's MereComments writes: "We all need on some terms or other to be back together. The Reformation, as time marches on, looks more and more like the worst idea in human history ..."

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Thanks to FWD from Fr Miguel Grave de Peralta.
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I remember when my oldest was about four years old. It was after church one day, and the kids were running around the yard, climbing trees, and creating mayhem. I was talking with some parishioners when I happened to look off in the distance to see a boy, about the same age as my daughter, holding her down and, gasp, kissing her!

I walked out and called his name, yelling, “Hey! Get off of her!” Almost at the same time could be heard the voice of the boy’s dad, yelling, “That’s my boy! Heh heh, yep! That’s my boy!” For him, it was priceless; but for me, not so much.

It’s all in perception. And when perception is viewed through the favoring eyes of love, it looks a whole shade different. Love of my daughter led me to yell one thing; his hopes and love for his son caused an entirely different reaction.

Love definitely complicates things, but ...


The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

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This week, St George - Houston hosts Metropolitan Philip, the Antiochian Synod of Bishops, and the Archdiocese Board of Trustees. Thus, it stands to reason, I am reminded of the first time I gave birth. :)

Actually, among other things, I am reminded of our first episcopal visit in a store front mission in North Carolina ... just after I gave birth. *

Picture (L-R): Deacon Thomas Moore, me, Bishop Basil, Fr Peter Smith, Subdeacon Michael Bock. (Thomas Moore & Michael Bock are now priests. It's uncanny who all else participated in this 1995 episcopal visit to a storefront mission; for a more complete list, see the end of this post.)

Pressing my nose against the pane, watching as my wife walked away to shoulder the role of CBW (chief bread winner), leaving me home with our new baby girl; I was scared. At the time, we thought it a temporary fix to a permanent situation. Remarkably, it ended up being a nine year stint. What. A. Job!

On that first day, I consoled myself, “You can do it. You can do anything you set your mind to.” Looking into the eyes of the baby on the changing table (often, repeat: often), I was reminded that I was so out of my league. Don’t get me wrong, with a brother seven years my junior; I knew how to change a diaper. Yet, I shall forever have respect for the mothers (and others) that make the sacrifices necessary to be there – day in, day out – doing the same thing over and over ... working out their salvation with mundane tasks.

As a young boy, I remember telling my mom that when I grew up and got married I wanted to help out around the house. Back then my chores included washing, drying, folding, and putting up the clothes; doing the dishes, making beds, etc. Psst! Come closer so that my wife can’t hear. Back then, I enjoyed those things.

The vocation of Stay-At-Homes (SAHs) is awesome; one that a CBW may never fully appreciate. Yet, to be honest, I was still only a man. In other words, I didn’t rise to the job my wife would have done – especially concerning washing, drying, folding, and putting up the clothes; doing dishes, making beds, etc. For example, do you know what happens when you use regular ol’ dish washing soap in the dishwasher? Mmmm… I do! (Don’t try this at home.)

But like other SAHs – mostly females – I did my share of meal prep, meal clean up, meal shopping and, on the other end, diapers. Much of the SAH’s day is spent with meal prep, meal time, meal clean up, and -- when the child naps -- struggling to get all the other stuff done.

Did I mention the meals?

Tomorrow? Repeat. Next week? Repeat. Day in, day out. Wait. Is that the baby crying? Repeat.

If you’re a male SAH, you get to sit around doctors' and dentists' Waiting Rooms with lots of women and children. It’s a temptation to judge how well behaved your children are compared to their little monsters (or vice versa). Many of the Moms might look like they just rolled out of bed. That’s because they did, so to speak. It was all they could do to get everything done to the point of getting to the Doc for their children. Mirrors be damned!

By the time the second and third child arrived, I was sporting a long beard, pony tail, and a Russian style riassa (flowing black robe); kinda scary looking in North Carolina. No matter, when you’re carrying around a cute baby girl or little toddler man, everyone’s all smiles. Well, almost everyone …

I remember a guy who'd apparently lost all respect for me as his priest because, he said: “I liked it better when you had a real job.” By that he meant something other than being a priest and SAH. (After renouncing my Orders as an Episcopal priest, I’d worked a couple secular jobs before the birth of our first.) Knowing that he had a few grown kids of his own, I asked: “Have you ever spent a whole day, morning to night – alone – with toddlers?” He answered honestly: “No.” I smiled. It was easy to forgive him. There’s a certain measure of peaceful wisdom acquired from slinging hash, flinging dishes, changing diapers with one hand, and making sure the house looks presentable (at least not like a war zone) by the time the CBW gets home.

What, you may ask, did my wife do all day?

She, who has a degree in early childhood education, worked at a county operated Child Care Center. Thus, she worked with young’uns all day … and, as it turned out, I worked with young’uns all day. Only she seemed happier when she got home than I was when she came home …

Folks … honestly, unless you’ve ever filled those shoes, it’s hard to understand. The job of SAH’s begins when they open their eyes in the morning … and it ends when they close their eyes at night. I often joke, “there’s no rest for the wicked” – well, if that’s the case, being a SAH is the wickedest job around.

All of this came back to me when I received an email from one of the podcast faithful saying:

Dear Fr Joseph,

I'm going to be a mother, and am facing my third trimester and birth. By all accounts this will be "the most painful experience anyone can ever go through." I also know that the hormones that will kick off labor and delivery are the same ones that have bonded me with my husband and will bond me to my infant. Furthermore, I know that Cortisol, the hormone of stress and fear, counteracts Oxytocin, the hormone of labor. If I'm afraid, the Cortisol will prolong labor, make it more painful, and increase my need for chemical and surgical intervention.

How does one approach an unknown amount of serious pain without fear? How does one turn fear into something else? I'm trying to pull all my resources together. I'm keeping communication open with my husband (who will be my coach and champion), I'm drawing closer to Christ (who suffered far worse for our salvation), and I'm trying to distance myself from those who would tell horror stories of birth.

Can you discuss human experiences where this kind of paradox exists? What are the other choices besides fear? What's the fancy Greek word for it? It would be smashing if you even quoted John Paul the Great saying "be not afraid." Just a thought.

Oh, and, by the way, lately, I've been plagued by an earworm of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." Any connection?

Signed … Oh, let’s just call her Charlotte.


Dear Charlotte,

I, too, have given birth … so I know what you’re going through. Drink plenty of water. Let me explain …

Back in 1995 our little Orthodox Mission was expecting our first hierarchical visit from His Grace, Bishop BASIL …

Our little mission was only a couple years old and we were, at the time, meeting in a store front.

That’s when I discovered I was expecting.

It happened in the middle of the night – suddenly! … a terrible pain in the lower right corner of my back.

At first I thought it was something else (and, no, I am not here speaking of PALE GAS – just the plain kind) … yet, this [too] never passed.

The pain was beyond uncomfortable – which was evidenced by my actually calling the doctor … emergency line … in the wee hours.

In the end, having heard of all my symptoms, he made the diagnosis over the telephone: Basically, I was expecting.

Now I know there are many out there, thinking: Wha-?

But for those of us, particularly men, who have, uh, delivered … a kid(ney stone) … which, even the doctors agree, is the closest thing to having a baby in terms of pain …

Well, if you’ve never had one (or especially if you have): Fall in love with water, my friends! Water. Water. Water, I say!

Well, enough of that …

But, before I leave the subject, let me just say that I tried to give birth to the kid(ney stone) the natural way … for a couple weeks! To no avail.

Then, just 4 days away from our first bishop’s visit, I mentioned to the doctor that the biggest weekend in our young parish’s history was coming up that weekend and he said, “Well, you might not be present for it … you might be in the hospital.”

He had a point there; I had to admit … so, after listening to my options, I chose to induce.

Yep … Bishop BASIL was coming into town on Thursday … and on Wednesday I was giving birth … so to speak.

Everything, ahem, came out okay … and, just as an embarrassing footnote I should mention the Percocet incident.

When the doctor found out that I was going to be on my feet for 3-4 hours on Sunday morning, he said I might want to take 2 of the pain pills on that day. Being a big baby and all -- and no great bearer of pain … I took his advice. Unbeknownst to me, I was a bit loopy during part of the service – but the only incident I remember was during Communion.

Bishop BASIL communed me and later handed me the sponge … this is a common practice wherein the communicating priest cleans any crumbs from the holy gifts from his fingers …

Yet, being obviously way too happy for piety, when His Grace offered me the sponge … I looked at him (no doubt, with a dumb grin) and leaned down and kissed the sponge!

He said, “Fr Joseph, see that chair over there?”

As I looked in the direction toward which he was pointing, he said: “Go sit down!”

Heh heh …

So, dear Charlotte, I know you said you didn’t want birthing war stories … yet, obviously, I took the drugs.

My wife, on the other hand, did not. She’s a lot tougher than I am.

When our first was about to be born – she’d planned, all along, to get that epidural … but was 8 cm dilated when we arrived at the delivery room and the nurse said, “Too late, sweetheart.”

Natural child birth … there’s nothing like it. I can still remember my wife screaming the same word, over and over again. She said: Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

[Heh, heh … that’s not really what she said, but I can’t tell you the truth; I mean, I could … but then she’d have to kill me.]

Wait. Oops. My bad, dear Charlotte. You said you didn’t want war stories.

Well, get used to it!

Alas, they’re inevitable; just like once that child is born you’re going to get plenty – an overabundance – of parenting advice.

When you hear those birthing war stories … and, soon, when you get all that parenting advice … Just nod your head and smile … ‘cause some day that might be you … on the other end of it all.

For now, take it from me – a Dad who once worked as a SAH – and a man who has delivered a kid(ney stone) …

This, too, shall pass.

The days that seem endless with that baby, that crawler, that toddler, that little brat … in the end, they fly by in the wink of an eye.

But that pain in childbearing is, at least so I hear, TOTALLY forgotten once the baby is born …

When a woman is in travail she has sorrow, because her hour has come; but when she is delivered of the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a child is born into the world. (John 16:21)

And, from that point on, you, your husband, and your growing family will share many joys, struggles, falls, and blessings – never again looking back on the pain of the Day of Delivery.

But you know what, Charlotte: I have no idea why I’m talking to you …

At this crucial time of pregnant expectation in your life, I should, instead, be talking to your husband … for, to him I would say:

Bwwaaa-hhoo-hhoo-hhoo-hhoo!

But, trust me, he’ll understand that soon enough.

Since all and sundry, Charlotte, are going to be giving you advice about child-rearing, let me get a head start here:

1) As my mother-in-law told my wife and me: The child is coming to live at your house. Live your life, the child will adjust accordingly.

2) Do whatever works for you and your family – even if that means Dad stays home -- in my opinion, one of you should!

3) If you jump up every time that baby cries, the baby will be most happy to oblige. Let the baby cry a little while … trust me, the child will adjust accordingly.

Finally: The first time I introduced my first baby to Bishop BASIL, I said: “Sayidna, here’s the Abbess of that new monastery you’ve been wanting.”

He said, “She’s the Abbess? She can be anything she wants to be … you make your own plans, God’s got plans for her.”

And, well, there it is. Don’t make plans for the pain when awaiting labor. In fact, make no plans … except to trust the same God who saves women through child-bearing; that same God who called Mary “Mama” … that one?

Through your prayers and the prayers of his holy Mother, He’s gonna be right there with you.


* - Originally aired as an episode of the Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

* * - Also present that weekend were Fr Chad Hatfield, Fr Cassian Dunlap, Subdeacon Mark Mancuso, Reader Athanasius (Archimandrite Maximos), Fr John Kress, Ron Moore, Rev'd Robert Douglas (later, Subdeacon Andrew).
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So I’m standing in the food line on opening night at the Houston Greek Festival …

We’d arrived early, before the first meals were served, and the line, though long, was yet to move.

I’m standing in line with my wife and kids behind me and, after we’d exhausted our family musings: How was school?

GOOD … Good … good …

We did what most people do when so occupied … nothing to do but stare around at the people, nonchalantly.

Sometimes, I must confess, when I am at large outdoor events like fairs, carnivals, rodeos and festivals, I often wonder:

WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?

I mean, you gotta admit, there’s some strange lookin’ dudes and dudettes that populate such affairs.

Anyway, there I was, standing in line at the Greek Festival, minding my own business …

It’s inevitable, in such situations, that – eventually – some stranger will strike up a conversation, usually about nothing at all: the weather, the wait, the crowd …

And so it happened that day, in line for food, at the Greek Festival …

I was standing behind a guy with long white sideburns, John Deere cap, with his name on his work shirt …

… and he turns to me and says:

“You a priest or something?”

Y’all … I am, of course, dressed as a priest and, sinner that I am, my first impulse was to say, “Yup. You a farmer or something?”

But, before we get to the rest of that conversation, a bit of back story:


The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

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A certain sophist of this age came to visit an Elder. Seeing that he had nothing but a Bible, he gave the Elder his own commentary on the Bible.

A year later, he again visited the Elder and asked: "Father, did my book help you better understand the Bible?"

"On the contrary," answered the Elder, "I had to turn to the Bible in order to understand your book."


A certain young monk asked an elder, "Father, now do I have to completely renounce the world?"

"Fear not," answered the elder, "if you live a really Christian life, the world will immediately renounce you."


A very rich man who lived in Alexandria prayed to God every day that the lives of the indigent be made easier. On hearing about this, Abba Makarios sent him a message: "I would like to own all your estate."

The man was puzzled, and sent one of his servants to ask what [Abba Makarios] would do with all that wealth.

Abba Makarios said: "Tell your master that I would immediately answer his prayer."


These were stolen from the parish newsletter of the Russian Orthodox Cathedral of St John the Baptist.

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The following is taken from The Hidden Man of the Heart by Archimandrite Zacharias.

Priesthood is a difficult task, and it is a marvel to see a priest dying in the same state of inspiration as the one which he began. Normally, priests die in states of much less grace, because all their ministry is to take upon themselves the death of their people.

Whatever a priest gathers when he is alone before God, he spreads to the people when he is with them. He takes upon himself their death and he gives them his life, the life of God which he receives.

But how are we to do this? When we inspire the people to love the salvation of God and to fight against sin, when we give them a word which comes from the eternal kingdom, and when their hearts receive that word, it provokes in them desire for eternal life. In fact, everything we do is done in the hope of regenerating the people.

I often say to the faithful who come to our monastery on Sundays: ‘Do not burden the priest unnecessarily with the trivialities of this life. Go to them and ask for a word for your salvation and be very attentive to what they tell you, because then you will make them prophets, and your life will be enriched.’ I do not have a recipe for that.

I remember once, a spiritual father from Cyprus came to our monastery and he said to me, ‘I have been made a spiritual father, but I do not know how to deal with people. Can you please give me some advice?’ I said to him, ‘There are no recipes for this ministry. When you become a spiritual father it is as if you have been thrown into the ocean. You have to swim and come to shore.’ That is to say, you have to cry to God continuously and hope for the best.

I always feel pity for priests because I know how difficult this ministry is. We are priests, in other words, we are partakers of the Priesthood of Christ, and if all the reproaches, all darkness, all evil fell upon Christ, threatening to annihilate His life if it were possible, as the Prophet said, the same happens to every priest who partakes of the Priesthood of Christ. This means that the priest has to assume the suffering and difficulties of his people, and to bring to them consolation from above, and give wings to their hope.

There is no recipe, only this attitude of wanting to help, to promote Christ in their lives, that Christ be magnified in their lives. And I am sure that there is a great reward for the priest whose ministry is done with fear, because he is on the receiving end of every evil and the attacks of the enemy finally concentrate on him. That is why it is a marvel not to be content with the reality of this present age, and not to abandon the inspiration and hope we had when we started our ministry. We all started with great furvour, and we must not let that life of the heart die away, or else our hope will be stolen from us. We must rather be like Simeon the Righteous who waited steadfastly until the last moment to receive Christ in his arms, and then said, ‘Lord, now lettest thou they servant depart in peace’ (Luke 2:29).

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